Sunday, December 21, 2008

from Brillo pad head to 1000 reasons for a second date

Good Evening All,

Catch up time continues. After grilled chicken boy went back to his mom and dads house, where he lived. Again, another thing I could not quite come to terms with- I spring boarded right back into another pile of crazies.

There was the one who worked at a mutual fund who was nice enough, great restaurant, barely a brush of the lips, and then a phone call all the way home. It seemed the potential for a second date might have been there except for the fact he decided to request me as a facebook friend. Now here's the problem with that. I've got pics from my Halloween party of pumpkins depicting blow jobs and rear entry positions. Granted they were the coolest pumpkins ever, but those and the pics of my roommate and I simulating the rear entry pumpkin drunk outside my house (clothed thank you) are not exactly what a new guy needs to be seeing. If I don't accept him I seem shady, and if I do, I seem shadier. I decided too, and somehow the offer of a second date did not come...if you have a problem with pumpkin porn, probably not a serious relationship in the cards for you with me buddy!

Then we had the accountant who I told upfront I have huge issues with men not having a full head of hair. No problem he told me he had a complete and total head of hair. We decided to meet at a restaurant I hadn't been to in years pretty soon after we began talking for dessert. No he wasn't lying about the full head of hair, in fact his hair was a Brillo pad. If I didn't have a cleaning woman already to clean my stuff up, I would have grabbed him and started scrubbing- something, anything. He has followed up a bunch of times since even recently and this was at the end of October, but I just can't handle the hair thing. As vain as it sounds- anyone who claimed they didn't have physical preferences would lying. I told him the oral surgeon asking for his money back story and so here's the email he wrote after our date

"You knew this was coming, I hope it was worth the wait:

Itemized Bill Monday, October 20, 2008
Item # Description Time (in hours) Rate/hour total
1 Date Prep 1 200 200
2 Travel time To 0.75 200 150
3 Dessert 2 200 400
4 Travel time Back 0.75 200 150
5 Post Date Thinking 0.5 200 100
TOTAL OWED GROSS 1000
However, you get a 20% "Good Date" discount because I found you to be very attractive, interesting, smart, sexy, fun, witty, tasteful in ordering and I actually enjoyed your company
Total after Discount 800
Payment can be to my favorite Charity, The Hooters Scholarship Foundation
"




Points for creativity and originality but sorry just not feeling him.




So we moved onto the 36 year old divorcee, pay attention cause there's another one of these coming up- whose wife had issues. It seems all the divorced guys wives had issues but not them? Hmmm anyway he sold airline equipment and we were supposed to go out, but the night before I decided to go out to a club with my friend and roommate and consume 5 drinks and about 12 shots in a less than three hour period, purchased by a myriad of guys I told it was my 22nd birthday too (for the record I am not 22, 25 :-) I became violently ill shortly after and spent the next 72 hours nursing a horrible hangover I wouldn't wish on anyone. I decided to tell the guy the truth knowing it would make me sound young and immature but at least I was honest. He texted me about how he wasn't sure what was going on and I should be truthful. Hello- I am being truthful I sound like a moron, I would have made up a better story if we were talking fiction. After we ironed that out we agreed to meet a week later after work at a restaurant near my office. Yes, he did have his hair, but he wasn't all together too interesting. I tried to communicate that vibe but he kept texting me when he was out of the country saying he missed me- you'd be amazed how long it takes this wackos to get the hint!

Next I believe came this guy who while was not divorced was just out of a drama engagement and a six year relationship. He had too much hair, with it being a bit long, but seemed pretty attractive and we had a good rapport on the phone. He worked in NYC in some type of TV media thing I frankly forgot about. I must say his restaurant choice was excellent, and the food was phenomenal. We both shared a clear love for bread pudding, and red wine. The conversation flowed, but unfortunately he was moving the next week to NYC. I may have been able to deal with the hair thing, but once we met, I noticed when he talked that his two front teeth were noticeably longer than all of the others, which made me believe he may be a vampire. I do not need my blood being sucked!

A few weeks ago I endeavored to go out with a consultant who is also 36 and divorced. The emails, and calls went well, and he told me he would give me some ideas of where to go. I liked his initiative and selected ice-skating from his list of three options. Now I had not ice-skated since I was likely a child, and I doubt I was good then. The date began with him waiting outside the restaurant I suggested near the rink, which had been shut down. Since he didn't seem like a serial killer I got in the car with him and took him to my favorite middle eastern haunt that's known for it's eclectic atmosphere, horrible service, and amazing food. He had mentioned his stomach was a little off, but polished down his food, with great compliment. Ice Skating went well, and as a guy I have to hand it to him for coming up with a strategic location where he had to know I would be gripping his hand for dear life. Now one thing I did find pretty odd was that he choose to get figure skating skates, after telling me to get ice-hockey skates. Sounds a little gay no? Anyway again, not really feeling the vibe. You see if the guy tries too hard, me being me and liking a challenge is immediately turned off.




What is trying to hard you may wonder? Here's a good example. Again an excerpt from the following days email from him...




"Hi, I had a great time, and I would love to see you again. Now, before you think about the risk you took to life and limb on date number one, and the record you want to continue about second dates, I thought that I would throw out a couple of reasons why we should go out again…


-No one ended up falling, or in the hospital, despite our best efforts


-We figured out a way to hold hands for most of the evening without feeling awkward (well… I felt off balance more than anything)


-You took me to your favorite restaurant, and I loved the food. You see, we are already finding common interests (and tastes)


-You impressed me with how well you skated right out of the gate… isn’t that what you want from your date? To be impressed with you?


-I can come up with something really creative for date number 2 I will give you a call, and I really hope to see you soon."




Ok this is not a trial where I need supporting evidence. I made it pretty obvious after that email, which yes I suppose you could say was kinda cute (not so much to me) that I was not interested in that second date. As they say in writing- show, don't tell!




I think that about covers the recent escapades and brings you all up to speed on the recent group of suitors. In preparation for the New Year we've got some new ones in the pipeline.




There's the Physician Assistant, new to the area who I spoke with for over an hour yesterday who wants to get together when he comes back from a trip to CA




The Race Car Engineer, I spoke with today also for over an hour who wants to get together when he comes back from a week in Florida.




The 4th year psychiatric medical resident from MA who I have dinner plans with for Tuesday. He told me he doesn't prescribe drugs on the first date- perhaps I'll give him a second so I can get something to handle the firsts with the others!




Until Tuesdays night's recap. Stay warm, & Act hot!








ice skating consultant

Grilled Chicken Eating, Body Building, Non Drinking, Dude



Welcome back to some wild and crazy stories and I do apologize for my several month absence. Life gets hectic, the economy threatens jobs (still have one thank goodness!) but don't worry the wackos have not ceased from my life. So much to catch you all up on here. As shocking as this may seem given my normal two date, and then toss out rule- I am about to introduce you all to Physical Therapist we'll call him PT for short, though at over 6 feet he was not short, at least not in height ;-). Anyway I digress. PT and I met up on the same weekend that I met the guy I got served raw chicken with at the same restaurant that the infamous oral surgeon and I went to dinner at. I had seen two similar pics, and he looked good-looking but when he got out of the car, I was shocked because he was much hotter in person. As we all know it's quite rare I say that. Once inside the restaurant he asked to sit next to me, and as long as I could look at him I could have cared less where we sat.


Dinner was pretty normal, and the vibe was definitely there. It seemed unique though that he loved his plain dinner of grilled chicken and steamed veggies so much he decided to order another one. That's right a complete additional meal, not to eat at home (which was in Long Island- should have been a sign!) Ok the guy was really hot so I figured I would let the dinner thing go. In addition to being a PT, he also worked around L.I as a Personal Trainer (hmm another PT) and people actually paid him $150 an hour! No he did not tell me this on the first date- that's right there's more. After dinner I had suggested we play pool , but PT was fascinated by the area so he wanted to drive around. I was hoping that meant park and make-out but literally he seemed to want to drive around. He kept asking if I could find a body of water and we parked and chatted. This being the first night we met he started in with those, "I haven't felt this connected to someone in so long, and blah blah things". All right let's get on with the making out- and then in the parking lot of the golf course we did. He was a pretty good kisser, but his body I must say was unbelievable!


The date went so well we made plans to hang out the two nights later and met at a book store. Right away before we went in he hinted that he'd rather go for a ride and explore again. He kept asking the guy at the bookstore if there was a body of water nearby and at this point I became concerned maybe he wanted to kill me and dump the body, though speaking of bodies - I hadn't seen much of his hot one yet so I decided to take the risk and go for a drive with him. As we meandered along a road in a town neither of us was familiar with we passed a church, which he slowed down at. I mentioned that I thought he was almost about to pull into the church and to which he responded that was a good idea ( not sure I was suggesting) and pulled right in, no sooner did he pull in there did he seem to want to pull in elsewhere. All of the sudden we were stretched out across his not so large vehicle with closes being pushed around. 2nd date was not going there, although I did go somewhere, and I definitely had no qualms about ditching his shirt, or my own for that matter.


Soon we were talking daily and he decided the following weekend he wanted to come to my place. Knowing that I would have no resistance of we were alone here I was a little cautious, but then I thought if Sex and the City (which I don't watch but presume) doesn't hold out much past the first date, third is pretty status quo right?


So you've seen those ice skating competitions I'm sure where they rate you on technical proficiency and artistic performance right? Keep that in mind and trust me we'll get back to it a little later. Date night comes and we hang out here, and when I say hang out I mean literally talk and talk sitting on the couch for hours until I am so hungry I can't stand it. Well we decide thankfully to go out in a torrential downpour and shockingly enough he orders chicken, no pasta at all on the side and some steamed veggies, and he does it again- orders the same meal and eats it. Now not only does he not do dessert (reason for dining) but he doesn't drink- ANYTHING (reason for living). This I find to be almost but not quite (still working with the whole hot as hell thing) a deal breaker. While at the restaurant an grandpa age guy asked I was waiting for someone, so thinking he meant another couple I said no, and then he looked at PT and said good cause one day she's going to be done with you and then I'm taking her. It was funny the first time as they say but the third time he came over to our table and put his hand on PT's shoulder and asked if we were bored together yet it was a bit much.


So back to the house for some more talking and finally as the evening progressed we meandered upstairs. Now the ice skating thing comes into play. While it wasn't bad by any means it was like he felt the harder and quicker he moved the more proficient. However, as I found out as this continued (to his credit he could go 3x in a row thankfully) there was absolutely no creativity. However Mr. hot body was very physically agile. All in all it kept me entertained but wasn't the most scintillating of all possibilities.
And so we continued actually for six full dates, him trekking from L.I. and the end of the sleigh bed banging against the wall. Twice daily meals of grilled chicken, along with mini-golf, apple picking and some other kinda relationshippy things. However, here's some of the odd stuff. A few times he wouldn't remove his shirt because he was cold. Come on you have enough muscle to keep you warm buddy? Another time we were at a restaurant and he wanted something steamed in addition to his chicken, which by the way Mr. healthnut drank with diet coke- soda not too healthy, and he actually asked the restaurant if they make their own rice? Like do you have a rice paddy with underpaid workers outside the door? Too odd. However, as odd as he was, at least he was nice to look at, very consistent with the communication and always willing to come to me.
After about a month and a half I departed for a vacation I had scheduled for a while. I didn't hear from him, which seemed odd and then called him and he told me he hadn't wanted to bother me since he knew I was visiting friends. After that conversation he called regularly, even calling to make sure I made it home ok. When it came time to get together the following weekend he had a cold so he said he would come during the week. We spoke daily and then one day he vanished shortly after I returned home from vaca. There were really no signs, no hints, it just happened- still unsure why. I wasn't really that upset. Long-term I couldn't deal with the grilled chicken, shirt on, jackhammer for that long.
Ever since then it's been back to the one date wonder rule. After one date, they wonder why there's never a second in the cards- more to follow on that.
Sweet and Saucy dreams all!