Sunday, December 21, 2008

from Brillo pad head to 1000 reasons for a second date

Good Evening All,

Catch up time continues. After grilled chicken boy went back to his mom and dads house, where he lived. Again, another thing I could not quite come to terms with- I spring boarded right back into another pile of crazies.

There was the one who worked at a mutual fund who was nice enough, great restaurant, barely a brush of the lips, and then a phone call all the way home. It seemed the potential for a second date might have been there except for the fact he decided to request me as a facebook friend. Now here's the problem with that. I've got pics from my Halloween party of pumpkins depicting blow jobs and rear entry positions. Granted they were the coolest pumpkins ever, but those and the pics of my roommate and I simulating the rear entry pumpkin drunk outside my house (clothed thank you) are not exactly what a new guy needs to be seeing. If I don't accept him I seem shady, and if I do, I seem shadier. I decided too, and somehow the offer of a second date did not come...if you have a problem with pumpkin porn, probably not a serious relationship in the cards for you with me buddy!

Then we had the accountant who I told upfront I have huge issues with men not having a full head of hair. No problem he told me he had a complete and total head of hair. We decided to meet at a restaurant I hadn't been to in years pretty soon after we began talking for dessert. No he wasn't lying about the full head of hair, in fact his hair was a Brillo pad. If I didn't have a cleaning woman already to clean my stuff up, I would have grabbed him and started scrubbing- something, anything. He has followed up a bunch of times since even recently and this was at the end of October, but I just can't handle the hair thing. As vain as it sounds- anyone who claimed they didn't have physical preferences would lying. I told him the oral surgeon asking for his money back story and so here's the email he wrote after our date

"You knew this was coming, I hope it was worth the wait:

Itemized Bill Monday, October 20, 2008
Item # Description Time (in hours) Rate/hour total
1 Date Prep 1 200 200
2 Travel time To 0.75 200 150
3 Dessert 2 200 400
4 Travel time Back 0.75 200 150
5 Post Date Thinking 0.5 200 100
TOTAL OWED GROSS 1000
However, you get a 20% "Good Date" discount because I found you to be very attractive, interesting, smart, sexy, fun, witty, tasteful in ordering and I actually enjoyed your company
Total after Discount 800
Payment can be to my favorite Charity, The Hooters Scholarship Foundation
"




Points for creativity and originality but sorry just not feeling him.




So we moved onto the 36 year old divorcee, pay attention cause there's another one of these coming up- whose wife had issues. It seems all the divorced guys wives had issues but not them? Hmmm anyway he sold airline equipment and we were supposed to go out, but the night before I decided to go out to a club with my friend and roommate and consume 5 drinks and about 12 shots in a less than three hour period, purchased by a myriad of guys I told it was my 22nd birthday too (for the record I am not 22, 25 :-) I became violently ill shortly after and spent the next 72 hours nursing a horrible hangover I wouldn't wish on anyone. I decided to tell the guy the truth knowing it would make me sound young and immature but at least I was honest. He texted me about how he wasn't sure what was going on and I should be truthful. Hello- I am being truthful I sound like a moron, I would have made up a better story if we were talking fiction. After we ironed that out we agreed to meet a week later after work at a restaurant near my office. Yes, he did have his hair, but he wasn't all together too interesting. I tried to communicate that vibe but he kept texting me when he was out of the country saying he missed me- you'd be amazed how long it takes this wackos to get the hint!

Next I believe came this guy who while was not divorced was just out of a drama engagement and a six year relationship. He had too much hair, with it being a bit long, but seemed pretty attractive and we had a good rapport on the phone. He worked in NYC in some type of TV media thing I frankly forgot about. I must say his restaurant choice was excellent, and the food was phenomenal. We both shared a clear love for bread pudding, and red wine. The conversation flowed, but unfortunately he was moving the next week to NYC. I may have been able to deal with the hair thing, but once we met, I noticed when he talked that his two front teeth were noticeably longer than all of the others, which made me believe he may be a vampire. I do not need my blood being sucked!

A few weeks ago I endeavored to go out with a consultant who is also 36 and divorced. The emails, and calls went well, and he told me he would give me some ideas of where to go. I liked his initiative and selected ice-skating from his list of three options. Now I had not ice-skated since I was likely a child, and I doubt I was good then. The date began with him waiting outside the restaurant I suggested near the rink, which had been shut down. Since he didn't seem like a serial killer I got in the car with him and took him to my favorite middle eastern haunt that's known for it's eclectic atmosphere, horrible service, and amazing food. He had mentioned his stomach was a little off, but polished down his food, with great compliment. Ice Skating went well, and as a guy I have to hand it to him for coming up with a strategic location where he had to know I would be gripping his hand for dear life. Now one thing I did find pretty odd was that he choose to get figure skating skates, after telling me to get ice-hockey skates. Sounds a little gay no? Anyway again, not really feeling the vibe. You see if the guy tries too hard, me being me and liking a challenge is immediately turned off.




What is trying to hard you may wonder? Here's a good example. Again an excerpt from the following days email from him...




"Hi, I had a great time, and I would love to see you again. Now, before you think about the risk you took to life and limb on date number one, and the record you want to continue about second dates, I thought that I would throw out a couple of reasons why we should go out again…


-No one ended up falling, or in the hospital, despite our best efforts


-We figured out a way to hold hands for most of the evening without feeling awkward (well… I felt off balance more than anything)


-You took me to your favorite restaurant, and I loved the food. You see, we are already finding common interests (and tastes)


-You impressed me with how well you skated right out of the gate… isn’t that what you want from your date? To be impressed with you?


-I can come up with something really creative for date number 2 I will give you a call, and I really hope to see you soon."




Ok this is not a trial where I need supporting evidence. I made it pretty obvious after that email, which yes I suppose you could say was kinda cute (not so much to me) that I was not interested in that second date. As they say in writing- show, don't tell!




I think that about covers the recent escapades and brings you all up to speed on the recent group of suitors. In preparation for the New Year we've got some new ones in the pipeline.




There's the Physician Assistant, new to the area who I spoke with for over an hour yesterday who wants to get together when he comes back from a trip to CA




The Race Car Engineer, I spoke with today also for over an hour who wants to get together when he comes back from a week in Florida.




The 4th year psychiatric medical resident from MA who I have dinner plans with for Tuesday. He told me he doesn't prescribe drugs on the first date- perhaps I'll give him a second so I can get something to handle the firsts with the others!




Until Tuesdays night's recap. Stay warm, & Act hot!








ice skating consultant

Grilled Chicken Eating, Body Building, Non Drinking, Dude



Welcome back to some wild and crazy stories and I do apologize for my several month absence. Life gets hectic, the economy threatens jobs (still have one thank goodness!) but don't worry the wackos have not ceased from my life. So much to catch you all up on here. As shocking as this may seem given my normal two date, and then toss out rule- I am about to introduce you all to Physical Therapist we'll call him PT for short, though at over 6 feet he was not short, at least not in height ;-). Anyway I digress. PT and I met up on the same weekend that I met the guy I got served raw chicken with at the same restaurant that the infamous oral surgeon and I went to dinner at. I had seen two similar pics, and he looked good-looking but when he got out of the car, I was shocked because he was much hotter in person. As we all know it's quite rare I say that. Once inside the restaurant he asked to sit next to me, and as long as I could look at him I could have cared less where we sat.


Dinner was pretty normal, and the vibe was definitely there. It seemed unique though that he loved his plain dinner of grilled chicken and steamed veggies so much he decided to order another one. That's right a complete additional meal, not to eat at home (which was in Long Island- should have been a sign!) Ok the guy was really hot so I figured I would let the dinner thing go. In addition to being a PT, he also worked around L.I as a Personal Trainer (hmm another PT) and people actually paid him $150 an hour! No he did not tell me this on the first date- that's right there's more. After dinner I had suggested we play pool , but PT was fascinated by the area so he wanted to drive around. I was hoping that meant park and make-out but literally he seemed to want to drive around. He kept asking if I could find a body of water and we parked and chatted. This being the first night we met he started in with those, "I haven't felt this connected to someone in so long, and blah blah things". All right let's get on with the making out- and then in the parking lot of the golf course we did. He was a pretty good kisser, but his body I must say was unbelievable!


The date went so well we made plans to hang out the two nights later and met at a book store. Right away before we went in he hinted that he'd rather go for a ride and explore again. He kept asking the guy at the bookstore if there was a body of water nearby and at this point I became concerned maybe he wanted to kill me and dump the body, though speaking of bodies - I hadn't seen much of his hot one yet so I decided to take the risk and go for a drive with him. As we meandered along a road in a town neither of us was familiar with we passed a church, which he slowed down at. I mentioned that I thought he was almost about to pull into the church and to which he responded that was a good idea ( not sure I was suggesting) and pulled right in, no sooner did he pull in there did he seem to want to pull in elsewhere. All of the sudden we were stretched out across his not so large vehicle with closes being pushed around. 2nd date was not going there, although I did go somewhere, and I definitely had no qualms about ditching his shirt, or my own for that matter.


Soon we were talking daily and he decided the following weekend he wanted to come to my place. Knowing that I would have no resistance of we were alone here I was a little cautious, but then I thought if Sex and the City (which I don't watch but presume) doesn't hold out much past the first date, third is pretty status quo right?


So you've seen those ice skating competitions I'm sure where they rate you on technical proficiency and artistic performance right? Keep that in mind and trust me we'll get back to it a little later. Date night comes and we hang out here, and when I say hang out I mean literally talk and talk sitting on the couch for hours until I am so hungry I can't stand it. Well we decide thankfully to go out in a torrential downpour and shockingly enough he orders chicken, no pasta at all on the side and some steamed veggies, and he does it again- orders the same meal and eats it. Now not only does he not do dessert (reason for dining) but he doesn't drink- ANYTHING (reason for living). This I find to be almost but not quite (still working with the whole hot as hell thing) a deal breaker. While at the restaurant an grandpa age guy asked I was waiting for someone, so thinking he meant another couple I said no, and then he looked at PT and said good cause one day she's going to be done with you and then I'm taking her. It was funny the first time as they say but the third time he came over to our table and put his hand on PT's shoulder and asked if we were bored together yet it was a bit much.


So back to the house for some more talking and finally as the evening progressed we meandered upstairs. Now the ice skating thing comes into play. While it wasn't bad by any means it was like he felt the harder and quicker he moved the more proficient. However, as I found out as this continued (to his credit he could go 3x in a row thankfully) there was absolutely no creativity. However Mr. hot body was very physically agile. All in all it kept me entertained but wasn't the most scintillating of all possibilities.
And so we continued actually for six full dates, him trekking from L.I. and the end of the sleigh bed banging against the wall. Twice daily meals of grilled chicken, along with mini-golf, apple picking and some other kinda relationshippy things. However, here's some of the odd stuff. A few times he wouldn't remove his shirt because he was cold. Come on you have enough muscle to keep you warm buddy? Another time we were at a restaurant and he wanted something steamed in addition to his chicken, which by the way Mr. healthnut drank with diet coke- soda not too healthy, and he actually asked the restaurant if they make their own rice? Like do you have a rice paddy with underpaid workers outside the door? Too odd. However, as odd as he was, at least he was nice to look at, very consistent with the communication and always willing to come to me.
After about a month and a half I departed for a vacation I had scheduled for a while. I didn't hear from him, which seemed odd and then called him and he told me he hadn't wanted to bother me since he knew I was visiting friends. After that conversation he called regularly, even calling to make sure I made it home ok. When it came time to get together the following weekend he had a cold so he said he would come during the week. We spoke daily and then one day he vanished shortly after I returned home from vaca. There were really no signs, no hints, it just happened- still unsure why. I wasn't really that upset. Long-term I couldn't deal with the grilled chicken, shirt on, jackhammer for that long.
Ever since then it's been back to the one date wonder rule. After one date, they wonder why there's never a second in the cards- more to follow on that.
Sweet and Saucy dreams all!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Almost 18 holes? Raw Chicken, and Hooked on Phonics


Good Evening All,

Sorry for my absence but not to worry good stories are promised to follow. SO labor day weekend after a short correspondence with Prosecutor, we made plans to meet a few towns from where I live. He resides half in DC and half in NYC, and on the phone sounded pretty good. We had a lively banter, and he had a full head of hair in the pics, so I thought it could be promising. That weekend proved to be a monumental dating weekend but I'll get to that later. Let's just say by the eve of our Sat Sunday night date I wasn't as gung ho as original, but I figured I would make the best of it.


We met at the mini golf course, and though he said he would keep score, he talked way too much and as most men can't, he too could not multi task. I kept trying to remind him, the competitive player I am about keeping the score but he assured me he had it under control. Though it had absolutely no relevance to the conversation he mentioned he had just purchased a new car. "What kind of car?" I politely inquired. "A Mercedes, obviously!" Well I didn't get that special Mercedes memo cause I guess I am not on the elite fabulous list he is. His golf skills weren't really even up to par considering he played where else but at his fathers country club. Actually he was the only member of his family who was not a doctor, and maybe that's why he talked so much? Must have had a complex about being one degree off from the other folks.


Meanwhile back at the golf course, as we neared the end he started getting irate. This gold course is a tip off (@ $6.50 a pop mind you) he exclaimed. They don;'t have eighteen holes at all. Actually they do I tried to console him. You just are talking so much you skipped a bunch of holes on the score sheet. Well this just didn't satisfy him. Nope- he insisted on asking the teenage girl manning the mini gold register if there were in fact 18 holes. OK obviously the ten + year old course would have been notified earlier then our gold game if something was amiss. The girl looked at him like he was crazy when he said we had to repeat holes 7 & 8 because they were misplaced. I think his sanity was the only thing misplaced but nevertheless I beat him.


We decided to take a little walk around the area afterwards and he kept drilling into me about why I don't get along with my mother, and offering his psychoanalysis. OK first of all NONE of your business and second of all, you are again the only one without a medical degree in your home, do NOT attempt to get into my head, because if you did buddy you would hear me saying how long till this shit is over.


Though I hadn't been in a while, I figured we should eat outdoors since the weather was nice at this place I'd been to several times before with success. I was starving at this point. Now I must admit to his credit prosecutor did tell a mighty funny story during dinner about how he earned the nick name Atty. Cock Torture after prosecuting his first case against a racy Asian Madam who claimed she was running an S & M club and not a whore house, as she pleaded her case in a one piece (including the boots) zip up black vinyl get up she wore to court.


Before the dinner was served prosecutor sent back first his iced tea, and then a soda. Now this didn't bother me because after each time the waitress said oh we've been having problems with those tonight. Well why not mention that when he ordered them? I had ordered chicken francese since there was nothing decent on the changed menu. Pretty simple...chicken in a lemon white wine sauce. Or so I thought. The waitress brings out my meal, and the chicken is smothered in cheese and cream sauce. Disgusting. I send it back, and reiterate just a simple chicken with white wine and lemon juice.


Fast forward a half hour, and a pretty good imitation of the Asian Madam. The waitress brings over something that looks pretty much like what I had in mind. Bites one and two go OK. Bite number three does not. The chicken yes my friends is RAW. I mean pink and purple holy shit I just bit into a breast implant raw. Under careful scrutinizing with the light from my cell phone, prosector and then waitress confirmed it. That was it! I had had enough and wanted to get the hell out of there. So Mr. snotty country club Mercedes got away without spending a dime on the raw dinner, and I went home and made myself a new dinner. Thank God I didn't get salmonella, as I was pretty worried. Clearly prosecutor took the DO NOT call vibe.


**********************


Some of you may recall that very early on in blog life I posted a pic of a white couch, and spoke about a guy I had met @ a Starbucks whose mom had helped him decorate. While nice, I didn't think we were..OK I KNEW we were not at the same place. We never went out again, and that had to be maybe March?


So imagine my surprise when Friday I received the following email....


"This is couch guy, we met at a Starbucks coffee shop back in winter . Of course, you wanted to pursue other people after we met.


I know, you're probably wondering why I am emailing you. Believe it or not, I told you at the time I wasn't into reading and I remember you do a lot of reading, however, this was in reference to books, not magazines/publications or the internet. I assumed that was the reason for your decision for not pursuing anything further.


For a while now, I have been reading a lot of fantasy/medieval related books, with Forgotten Realms being my favorite. Have you heard of that series?


Today, out of nowhere, I said to myself, who was that person I met who likes to read and I remembered your name.I wanted to touch base with you and see how you are doing. Have you met someone

? Hope to hear from you soon....."


I know some people may not find this that funny but it kinda is. Like hello you must not have liked me cause I didn't read and now I read about wizards so maybe we can date? Ummm I don't think so but I am glad he developed a love for reading!


Ahh the wackos I find, and that find me. Can't live with em, can't blog without them!


Sweet Dreams all!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

The Past, The Present, Asian Woman, and the lack of future

Good Afternoon All,
Apologies for the brief break from writing. So where to begin. Since the Elevator doors remained closed there's been a few odd additional things. Let's start with the past. You all remember the surgeon who I went out with maybe a couple of months ago who decided to get back together with his ex right? Well I received the following email (s) from home this week entitled "I'm sorry about this..."

"Hey... I apologize for contacting you..... Could you please email me at weirdo@strange.net (I deleted all your stuff already)? My girlfriend from Atlanta (remember the Asian one I spoke about) specifically asked me if I dated you...she does not even know you but she named your profile name. I think she may have a friend that can hack into the site (or has a friend that works there)....She asked me other information also that was impossible for her to know. I'm actually off this site for good but popped back on just to resolve this matter. If this is in fact the case, it's really awful and they should be stopped. Did she contact you? I'm confused. You can simply say you know nothing of the matter. Again, I apologize for contacting you... "

An hour later I received the next email entitled "hey"

"Don’t worry about what I just wrote to you. I got too nervous when she asked me about you. I promise you that I will not bother you anymore… "

I didn't write back obviously. Meanwhile the guy claims he hasn't been on the website but simply to resolve this matter, and when I just went in to copy and paste his message on here I saw he'd been active within the past four hours. I wish his girlfriend the best of luck.

In other news I went out with the IT guy again earlier this week. I think it was Monday. We met up and drove down to this town about 45 minutes from here and had dinner at this brewery. I was concerned because after researching the place online one of the reviews said that the only thing brewing after you eat there is the gas you'll have an hour later. Luckily we left unscathed and the food was actually pretty decent. I stayed safe with steak. Afterwards I suggested going for another drink and he took that to mean Starbucks. My passion tea was the most empassionaed part of the evening. At the end of some fine conversation, but nothing overly stimulating he asked if he could kiss me goodnight. Whatever, I might as well see if there was any chemistry I was missing elsewhere. It wasn't a bad kiss as in I didn't feel like I was kissing a relative, however when he stopped after a minute to throw his gum on the floor (which I didn't even notice was in his mouth) the moment (which wasn't that much of a moment) was lost. I couldn't stop laughing. We've chatted once since, but I'm not really interested.

So last night my Friday night partner and I ventured out to one of our usual haunts and almost immediately were chatted up by two guys, one bald, and one not. The not bald one who was a director at a marketing firm he referred to as the place where they call you up on Saturdays and try and get you to sign up for things seemed OK. He mentioned that he wanted to take me to dinner sometime, and I was open to the idea. A few minutes before the bars were slated to close, two woman walked in and my friend made a comment like half their outfits must have gotten lost at home. I honestly thought they were prostitutes until unbald said uh oh I hooked up with one of those girls a few times and never called her. He turned his back and looked uncomfortable. Now if he was trying to talk to me why would he tell me that? Lack of skills? Perhaps the same lack of reason (and skills) that caused him only a few moments later to show me a text she had sent him the previous day, which turned out to be a topless picture of rather large breasts for an Asian girl. "I think she may have gotten implants what do you think?" Well let's see since I (unlike him) hadn't seen them originally I didn't feel I could form an opinion.

Needless to say, I waited till he was talking to someone else and bolted out without a goodbye. At least I got a free drink, it wasn't a total loss. I think the quest for non frogs is hopeless!

Enjoy the weekend!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

The Elevator Chronicles: Out of Order!


Good Evening All,
I tell you I've had this feeling all along right and I won't name which friend, but she who will remain nameless and has been telling me I'm so paranoid she will not entertain listening to me anymore better read this! I called it earlier today, and received this email just a few minutes ago. Not wanting to hide anything from my loyal readers, here's exactly what I received....
"Hi- I wanted to thank you again for bringing in the delicious lunch today. You have a real talent in the culinary arts and I'm so happy to shared your talent with me.
I also wanted to tell you about something that has been weighing heavy on my heart today. As you know, I have been having a very difficult time with my family situation. The last couple of days and especially the last week or so have made things very difficult for me...especially as I near the point where things are "final" with a significant event which will have a serious impact on my family and my kids. As you know, I've been talking with someone about how to manage through this difficult time. I talked with him this morning and he strongly advised me not to begin dating or get involved with someone during this time, and especially not until any divorce is well under way or final. That may or may not be your intent but I feel that both of us have thought about that. That said, I feel I need to be smart and not begin dating or further developing our relationship. You are an amazing and intelligent person but I do not want to move forward or mislead you. It has been a pleasure getting a chance to know you, and I hope you understand that this is not the right time for me to engage in a new relationship.
Sincerely,
Elevator"
Ok so did I call that or what? Now most of you may be saying hello I could have figured this out all along, and yes I had it figured out all along. I mean it's not like I had any intentions of marrying the infertile man who has to give 67% of his income to a wife who doesn't work while sleeping on an air mattress in an apartment that is barren outside of a Budweiser blimp, which doubles as a window shade. Nope that wasn't my intention at all, I did think a nice summer tryst would be fun but nonetheless this doesn't seem to be in order. SO I am resolving now two things, and hopefully someone will hold me to them as I'm not too good about it myself.
1. No more work involvements (although this one was a vice president so in that, I am kinda impressed with myself
2. NO more married/ divorced/ men with kids Good Lord the drama and baggage and alimony, and child support, and no assets is NOT that becoming. No offense to those who have endeavored here because with 50% of marriages ending in divorce it's virtually impossible not too. It's not that I wouldn't date someone who had been through this circumstance and was over it and had moved on, but clearly that is not who I have been wasting my time with.
Like I said, I did know this was going to happen, and had called it from the beginning. One would think my decent read on people would cause me to behave differently since I can generally always call the outcome. However- there's that troublesome part of me that just is drawn like a moth to light for a good challenge. I mean if I look at it that way, did I achieve my goal here? I suppose so, in that once again I plotted, constructed, and fulfilled another rather seemingly out there seduction. My sister says that I have commitment phobia and that's why I am drawn to clearly unavailable men? What do you think? I really need to get over this whole idea of if they're into me, I'm not into them because I suppose I could be not giving some decent people a chance.
So in the spirit of trying to behave (kinda) I sent en email to IT guy who I went out with last week. Remember the one I couldn't find anything wrong with? He actually called me last night so we shall see. Luckily outside of an email which I didn't respond to that excitedly from engineer I haven't heard much from him. I did start initial communication with another guy today who looks kind of interesting so we'll see what that yields.
And just for kicks folks and because I must ALWAYS have the last word. Here's what I wrote back to elevator. Partly because I need to have the last word, and partly because I was hoping it would elicit another response, I could use to entertain all of you. However, somehow I think his therapist made him promise to completely walk away so don't get your hopes up!
Until the next debacle. Sweet dreams, and naughty thoughts! :-)
Hi Elevator,
Thanks for your email. I appreciate your honesty. You know it's interesting because between talking to you yesterday in your office and today it seems like you definitely were emotionally 360 degrees from where you were yesterday. I think what your guy said it smart, and I know that this whole process is wrecking emotional havoc on you and your family, which has to be your priority. Knowing what you're going through my expectations were that you were definitely not in a place for a relationship, which I wouldn't intend to pursue with someone going through all that you are at this point, like your guy said. My intentions, as I enjoy talking to you and hanging out were to do just that, and have fun.
With that being said however, I do think that regardless of what my intentions were on Sat, you clearly intended for what happened afterwards to happen, and that's the only thing I have trouble with. I am pretty positive I mentioned at the casino that I am not comfortable with, nor have I ever had the experience of a one night stand so in that respect I kind of feel like not that ok with what happened the other night now. I guess I'm curious why you waited until after Saturday to send this note. I do kind of feel like you may have already known this but wanted to "test the waters" just to make sure? You do seem like too nice of a guy for that though so I do wonder. Anyway regardless of what happens next I do not wish for any awkward situation at work, and also have enjoyed getting to know you. I wish there was some type of happy medium that would allow both of us to feel more comfortable with not abandoning our core values. So there's my thoughts...if you have any additions ones I'd be happy to hear. I always think that though cliché, honesty is the best policy.
Take care,
KissedAllTheFrogs

Sunday, August 3, 2008

The Elevator Chronicles: A whole lot of luck (and some skills)



Good Evening All,

Well as a shocking addendum to my bitchy post yesterday it worked out in the end! Elevator emailed me saying that he should have his kids back to their mom around 8 and still wanted to do something if I was free. We had talked about the casino but it seemed like it might be too late to get that started so I said I could drive up his way or he could come down here and he said he'd come down here. He kept writing email after email though saying are you sure that's OK, and then just as I'd cleaned up my house said he really did want to go to the casino so I was to meet him up by our office which is half way to the casino from my house.

I emailed back that I would throw on my dress and be all set to go. I also packed my contacts and a change of clothes because being that we wouldn't make it to the casino until 10 at the earliest there was no way I was going to be driving home. I called him on my way up and he said he was psyched to go so I flew up so quickly I beat him to the commuter parking lot. I was so unsure what the deal would be, and if it would be like we had never hooked up or if it was a date or who knows. You know me always over analyzing everything, and nothing. Anyway I stepped into his car and the first thing he did was give me a nice kiss on the lips and tell me that I looked beautiful, which was very sweet. I guess I made a good choice on my new black and white strappy dress. Anyway he was dressed very nicely and told me that he'd brought a long a sports jacket too because he thought I'd like that. When we pulled into valet parking we looked very snazzy getting out together.

On the way up we mainly talked about his kids, wife, and the divorce drama. His wife had implied that she had gone on a date and he was telling me about that. I said the best thing he could do was to hook her up and get her remarried so he could save on alimony, which he agreed with me on. I do hope he sees a lawyer because he's so bent on not pissing her off to risk any problems with getting as much visitation with his kids as possible, he's in some ways letting her take advantage I think. Anyway upon arrival at the casino he asked if I wanted to go to the martini bar (hmm like that took a lot of pondering) We somehow managed the best seat in the house overlooking the whole casino. It was the perfect spot. Somewhere in between martinis he started holding my hand and continued to the entire time we were drinking. We never played any slots, but I did spend two hours at the poker table with 75 he gave me to spend and 40 of my own. I only lost my own 40 (gave him back his $$) and that's pretty good for that duration of time at 15 + a hand minimum. I think he was impressed. Somewhere along the way he ordered me some red wine, which contributed significantly to this hang over I've been nursing all day.

So the night gets a little foggy here because I know I was really drunk while I was playing poker, I do recall making out in some area of the casino and him telling me to stop getting him so excited in the casino. Now I also recall a conversation involving the topic of condoms, but not sure exactly where that went, and me with my rant about how I don't do one night stands (which is true!). Somewhere I also found out he had not been with anyone aside from his wife I think it had been like 15 years. Around 3:30 AM we decide to leave the casino and go back to his place. I was definitely still really buzzed but sober enough to carry on a conversation I don't recall any of ;-) So back at his place somehow we took our places back on that festive air mattress, and the clothes found their places back on the floor. And then yes folks, somehow along the way we went all the way.

So let me start by saying this is totally not "me" behavior as my sister pointed out. I mean although I was very much into it, and the prime initiator of this mornings bonus round it's just very unlike me to have sex with someone I'm not in an established relationship with. I was OK with it at the time but I think am definitely second guessing and doing my usual freaking out like oh my god if this turns into a one night stand I'm not going to be able to handle it. I haven't heard from him today and of course that freaks me out, though knowing that I got home at 9 and got 3 additional hours of sleep bringing my grand total to maybe 5 hours, while he was out watching his kids all day - makes me think maybe he went to bed early.

What was particularly cute about last night/ this morning is again how nervous he was, and how he always tells me. I mean I can't blame the dude, first time with someone new in like 15 years. I must say I do feel kinda honored. Oh and don't let me forget the best news of all! He's fixed! There's nothing that says immediate turn on then there's no way in hell I'm getting pregnant - that was the bonus luck! All in all assuming this is more then a one night stand (which I would aim for a hot summer fling) I don't have regrets. My grandmother told me after I was filling her in (no not on any of the intimate parts) that it's not easy being a step mom. I was like seriously I think we're getting WAY ahead of ourselves here. So funny. Meanwhile my thinking is that being the first person he's dated or whatever our deal is after his wife I am kinda like the rebound chick. My only expectations really are that he's respectful enough to keep this going for at least a few weeks to a month. Then I think I could morally live with it a lot better.

In any event I'm quite curious to see if he contacts me on IM tomorrow. I'm working in the AM and then heading an hour East for a summer fun pool party for my team, which I would love for him to meet me after. He had mentioned he thought he could do that but not sure if he remembers. So only time will tell who if anyone is freaking out besides me, and what will happen next.

By the way being as hungover as I am I still had another date tonight with the engineer. We really have nothing in common and I wasn't attracted to him but I kind of want to fix him up with my friend who I think he'd hit it off better with. Is that rude? I think after going out once it isn't that bad. I can't keep juggling all these people it's highly exhausting! Engineer and I went to shoot pool, and then to dinner and the biggest event of interest was when his car wouldn't start but luckily that problem resolved itself. It did feel kinda weird after spending the night with elevator to be out with this guy, but at least I got another good meal ;-)

So I think it's time for some much deserved rest! I'll update tomorrow hopefully on what happens next. Any thoughts? Please give me some feedback.

Hope everyone had a great weekend and sweet dreams!

Saturday, August 2, 2008

The Elevator Chronicles: Stuck between floors

Good Afternoon All,
So I've been having this sneaking suspicion, which my friends have become increasingly annoyed by that something was going to go wrong for tonight. Forget the thunder making the boat ride impossible cause I was looking forward to the casino. However I woke up to a VM from elevator saying that his kids, and wife all have the stomach flu and he's been taking care of them, and she's unable to. I guess he had tried to text me but after oral surgeon was stalking me I blocked all texts. Just as I was about to call back I got an email pretty much saying the same thing. As I was kinda thinking before I think elevator is going to take this as a sign that he's not ready to really date because he needs to focus on his kids, which is probably true. Oh well all that's well likely ends well. Onto tomorrow date with engineer....

Friday, August 1, 2008

Date # 1 of the week- Beware of the flying cape


Good Evening All,

Last night was the beginning of this weeks line up with IT guy. Actually he's kind of like a consultant/ sales/ explainer person but IT guy is much easier to type. As he should he agreed to meet me right in the town I live so it was nice and convenient for me. I like it. He called and told me he was running late, which contrary to some people I could care less about. I had just run in from a devious mani/ pedi appt, and all day lounging at a pool pretending to work, and wanted to put my feet up, again! Back to the mani/ pedi for a moment. So this nice little Asian man was doing my feet and apparently all he could say to communicate was yes manicure and pedicure. Well first he starts massaging my feet and since I am insanely ticklish I am hysterically laughing. People are staring at this point, and if that isn't bad enough once he stops with the feet he squirts some oil on my legs and literally starts slapping them so hard it's out of control. The entire spa is seriously staring at me and my friend is hysterical. I didn't know what to do. He was as elevator said when I told him the story clearly living out some weird fantasy.



OK so back to the date he looked enough like his pictures- over 6 feet, nice full head of hair. Wearing shorts and a button down (no long coats) we'll get to the capes later...Actually there's not much to report as he was nice, smart, seemed emotionally stable, and paid attention to previous discussions we had had asking insightful questions. I tried my first sushi (only veggie with sweet potato) and we had a yummy meal complete with a few lychee martinis for me (if you haven't indulged please don't hesitate SO good!). Conversation flowed nicely. We started talking about exes and dates and he asked me what my last ex did wrong. "Nothing. He was just boring" I replied. I told him I cannot be attracted to people without whom I have that witty flirty banter. While I wasn't feeling it with him initially I guess I'd give him a second chance. He already sent the next day email saying he wanted to see me again. I really couldn't find anything wrong with him so I will try and be open minded. Now some of my friends are insisting I am not into him or the other cause I am into elevator. Hmm there may be some truth to that. Why must I always want the unattainable...
So anyway back to the weird date stories. After I finished regaling him with tails of oral surgeon he told me about how he knew a girl who showed up for a date and he was wearing a caper. A CAPE. Was he superman in costume? I guess not. Kinda makes the long coat seem not so freaking weird right? The other story he told was about his friend who had a girl from NJ drive up to meet him at his apartment in NYC. When she called and said she was outside he asked her if she would like to park and come up and she said she didn't feel comfortable. No problem he told her so he came down and she was still in the car. Aren't you going to get out he asked? She still didn't feel comfortable apparently. This went back and forth until finally she agreed to get out, and it turns out she was disabled and had to arm crutches. Now that isn't a big deal except for the fact she lied about it. She then yelled and said you wouldn't have dated me anyway or wanted to meet me, and he responded as I would, that you didn't have enough faith in me to let me make that decision so he said he didn't feel comfortable. He went upstairs and she got back in the car. Hopefully this didn't occur with gas prices as high as they are now. IT himself had a girl yell at him because he was late and literally scream at him in public even though he called. I guess he also said that girls misrepresent their weight a lot in correspondence. I must have been a dream come true :-)
So that's that and we shall see if we make another plan. Tomorrow I am meeting elevator at 7 PM (you heard right a once in a lifetime second date) and we're going possibly on the boat for a little sunset cruise if it's not thundering and then to the casino. I suggested and he seemed pleased. I think I'll be rocking my new black and white cute dress, which should be dressy yet casual enough for the casino. I am bummed that I probably won;t be able to debut the new bikini though. I actually got little string bikinis painted on my big toes (not by the S & M) man. Super cute! So since I am super paranoid I am always convinced that elevator and I won't end up going out but I guess we shall see. Tonight was our first phone call and we exchanged numbers and he called me en route to picking up his kids for the evening, and said he was really looking forward to tomorrow.
Monday we took our walk, and it wasn't awkward at all which was nice. We've been chatting a lot on IM, and Tuesday he told me he was going to blow out of work early for a baseball game and said he wished I could come. I said I probably could jokingly and he calls his friend to see if they had an extra ticket, which they didn't which was fine. So from his blackberry he sent me a total of 59 emails that day from the game, the bar, the subway, and the train home getting flirtier as the night went on. It was basically like iming over email. Thursday when we were chatting on IM he told me he was really distracted during the day by last week, and not wanting to be presumptuous I asked about what and he said hmm it has to do with you so I said good distraction or bad distraction to which he replied good. Then I had to do it and asked if he was freaking out. So he replies no. You know my situation and I'm not freaking out just hoping I treated you OK enough. I told him I wasn't shy and I would let him know so he seemed relived with that. So I am still of course not convinced anything is coming of this until a few more outings occur if they do, but so far I must admit he's my favorite. We definitely have chemistry, and he's really sweet.
So stay tuned for tales from the casino, and perhaps (hopefully) another (respectable) overnight :-)

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Elevator Chronicles: Pushing all the right buttons

Good Afternoon All,
With stormy weather brewing in daily for almost a week elevator and I were in contact about a possible postponement for the boat ride. I was seriously disappointed as I had been looking forward to out first out of office jaunt for a while now and afraid since I wasn't sure how he was viewing the "swimming lesson" there would be no reason to form alternative plans. However, let me back track a little bit. For the past few weeks leading up to this we had been chatting on IM more taking regular walks around the building, and I had been bringing him in little treats. One particularly hectic work day for me my co worker emailed me to tell me that elevator had come by and left me something. When I got back up to my desk I saw a nice white box with a gold seal and inside was the most beautiful canoli with a note saying It was my turn to get the snacks I hope you enjoy. He had gone to a bakery during lunch and had them fill it there with chocolate since he knew I liked it. Very thoughtful. So on went the walking and the talking and in preparation for the big boat ride we had planned I went out an bought a new super cute bikini. However, the weather forecast like I mentioned was not looking good.

The day before our trip he sent me an email asking about ideas for alternative plans and suggested indoor mini golf so I was pretty psyched that he wanted to do something even though the boating was out. Then he emailed again and asked about my preferences for dinner. Hmm this was starting to sound like a date? I still wasn't sure. So since I'm kinda tired I'll speed up this story and say the day came and we both changed into our more casual clothes (nice tight 7 jeans, and a top my roommate picked out that had score of 6 on a scale of 1-insane cleavage) and some high shiny heels. At first I have to admit I felt a little awkward going out of the building dressed in our non work clothes at 3:30 (after telling our bosses we had a personal appt, not together of course)

Anyway the golfing was super fun and although a bit of a ride from where we work, it was this cool course with lots of black lights and a monster theme. He did beat me, but I beat him at air hockey, and ski ball (would have in pool if I hadn't scratched on that damn 8 ball). While the conversation was flowing well I have to admit I was still unsure where if at all things were going and was to be honest a little nervous. Off we went again to somewhere even further I think for dinner. The food made up for the lack of ambiance. It was a pretty casual Italian joint that could have easily been run by the mob. I asked if I could offer him money at the end and he said no. I encouraged him to take a call from his kids during the end of the meal. At least he asked if it was ok. No problems there. So during dinner he mentioned that he knew of a nicer place for drinks so he was still working on extending this date? I said that contrary to his belief since he's always carrying on about me being younger (28 to his almost 35 though I recently shaved three years off to amuse him more) that I did not have a curfew.

Off we went to yet another town and I ordered a snazzy pear martini. There was a creepy guy in his 40s at the table next to use who kept staring at me and it was actually angering elevator. He seemed to be getting quite frustrated so I played it up saying it was making me uncomfortable (which is kinda was). Nice to get the feeling he was a little jealous? So somewhere during the night he had promised to tell me about his brother who he said was also unhappily married. Well it turns out his brother is married to his wife's sister. Did you all catch that? So unless his brother gets divorced his wife is always going to be his brothers sister in law and his in laws will be at every joint holiday Whew! That's kinda random!

OK back to the martinis, and then there were two. Suddenly things started acquiring some more potential with the close leaning, the whispering in the ears, and dare I say a little bit of casual arm touching. After deciding shots were in the forecast (though not served at the establishment) we crossed the street and went to another bar. Now they served shots but had no shot glasses so without exaggeration, the bartender poured literally 5 shots worth of straight vodka into cordial glasses. Well I took down about 3 and then didn't want to press my luck but he took the whole thing and my leftovers down (he's Irish, 14 inches taller then me and over double the weight). Anyway at some point very close to the shot taking he asked if he could get a hug. One of the biggest complaints he had about his wife (who he really didn't say that much negative stuff about) was her lack of affection. Sure I figured this was a good sign and as the huge broke I can honestly say I'm not sure who or how started the making out, but I certainly didn't mind it.

And so elevator and I are here around midnight in some random snazzy bar embraced and way buzzed. Things were going well. Then they got better... next we drove to one of our companies competitor offices where he used to work and continued the smooch session on the lawn (upright don't get any ideas...just yet at least). The security truck scared him away so he asked if I thought we should go back to his barren apartment and sober up. Sounded like a great idea to me. I think I knew in the back of my mind with my car still at the office if we went to his place I wasn't going back to my car for a while and frankly I was OK with that.

Back at the apartment of the soon to be divorced elevator man, furniture was barely existent. We took the spiral staircase to the loft with his air mattress, which I noted had sheets with roses (he told me these were bears and big fish). The outfit seemed at this point to be a big hit, and looked almost as good on the floor and it had on me. Elevator was highly complimentary telling me I was beautiful and commenting on how small my stomach was. However, he was super nervous. So my guess was that he hadn't hooked up with anyone other then his wife for 12 years of marriage plus I think about 4-5 years of being together for that. It's so much fun to be the first woman in a while! What was very cute was that he was Super nervous that night. The next morning not as much but he actually told me he was really nervous. It's also interesting to me how I tend to attract the most affectionate and cuddly guys on earth. We fell asleep in the most wrapped up embrace ever.

So although there was some illicit activity I was well behaved and there's no risk of pregnancy. I have to say I was highly tempted but I don't delve into that sort of thing on the first date. Great chemistry though, really amazing kisser and what a hot body! 2 thumbs up all around. The next morning he gave me a shirt to wear with the extra Capri's I had on me, and of course the 4 inch patent leather heels form the night before. That was fun to jump out of his car in my office parking lot the next morning in. We rode back to the office and he held my hand the whole way and kissed me goodbye in the office parking lot. Later that afternoon he emailed me just to say hi and that he had a lot of fun and to have a good weekend. I spend since then convinced that he was going to freak out and decide he wasn't ready for this...

Not that I really know what this is....anyway tonight I was pleasantly surprised to get an email telling me he had gone to the beach with his kids, and was sitting in traffic and wanted to say hi and see how my weekend was. good sign I suppose. We emailed back once more and I guess we'll see what happens tomorrow. I am still kinda convinced he's going to freak out but on the other hand he did promise me that boat ride. I asked in my return email if he was up for a walk tomorrow, and plan to have some snacks on hand. Very interested to see where if at all this goes this week. So that's the long awaited story of the seduction of elevator man. I have to say I am VERY pleased with myself. I really saw this effort through all the way. If at all, it was one hot night (and morning)....

More details to follow. Also this evening in between elevator emails I had initial phone conversations with this weeks new additions. Engineer and IT guy. Had over an hour conversations with each one and tentative plans to meet IT guy already this week. It's a tiring life, but someones gotta do it.

Sweet Dreams All. More to come!

Monday, July 21, 2008

Last weeks dating rejects, breaking and entering, and luscious lips!


Good Evening All,
I'm going to try and get back in the habit here of updating you folks regularly on the chronicles of my free meals, and other various escapades in the land of wacky dating. Such fun I must say I'm having. When I had a boyfriend - I paid for everything. It's about time I get some free meals!
So last week was a hectic week all around in dating world. Three dates I believe in a week! Bachelors number 1, 2, and 3, took their places in my week, and then I sent them back in their own lives. Not in any rude way. I just drop out of communication. Well one of these situations was out of my control, in quite the entertaining fashion. Not to worry a genuine email will follow. Something about these surgeons I guess.
So Bachelor number One Hedge Fund Guy, who I may have mentioned in an earlier post, met me for dinner a few towns away. Another one of those scenes out of Clueless when our eyes met from across the way and we both clicked our cell phones shut. We decided upon a drink before dinner, and a walk to check out some of the local restaurants. I had been really hoping to try this French place that had a very reasonable steak frites as part of a mid week prix fix (this was a Monday). However, I was informed by hedge fund guy (whose Uncle owns the hedge fund so his position is clearly a case of nepotism) that you have to be in a certain mood for French food. Actually I think I was in that mood, but apparently he was not so to Asian Fusion we went. While this one actually had a very full head of hair, his stories of how when his parents divorced he went to boarding school for yuppies (actually sounded like that place Dr. Phil send rich kids with problems) and didn't keep in touch with anyone, bored and alarmed me. One thing that is a red flag to me is not having enough friends. After all no need for a cling on. Dinner was relatively uneventful except for the fact he went to the mens room 3 x during it. A case of nerves? Not sure. I was off with a huge and one of those this was fun I'd love to see you again. A follow up call later in the week was easily brushed off with life's busy I'll be in touch. However, I wasn't. Too many things going on...
Which leads me to Bachelor number two surgeon, not to be confused with our favorite former flame, oral surgeon. After calling to tell me he'd be late, which wasn't an issue for me we met up in my town. He was already there when I pulled in standing next to his grey BMW, which he had told me he wasn't sure who paid for his mom or his brother. His mom you see, though he was 26 was still funding his life, and dictating his finances. As long as he continued to get a good education (at this point he had a college degree, was an MD, had a PhD, and was doing a super fellowship at an Ivy League affiliated hospital) she would support him. Let me guess I asked him on our one phone conversation prior to the date, your mom doesn't like anyone you date huh? How did you know he replied. You should have been a psychologist. And you my friend, should be earmarked as having a potential MIL from hell!
Back to the date, surprisingly he looked better in person than his picture. His hair was reasonably intact yet the potential for thinning in the middle and on the sides was clearly evident. Conversation flowed for three hours as we saw outside, and then decided to go for drinks. It wasn't that flirty but I was having fun so I figured let's continue. There's free drinks to be had (on his mom of course). After our second drink, I could tell he was a little buzzed so we went to walk in this dark park near where I lived for a while. While he was less arrogant then I expected for a surgeon, he didn't seem that mature in a way of having real life experience. I guess that's what happens when mommy dearest pays for everything! Still not tired, we decided to venture to the nearest city to a club and both had some pama martinis. Clearly not used to the drinking (being so busy studying, and operating) we decided to take another walk this time right up the road to my parents condo complex. After parking his car near the clubhouse we walked around and I decided it was a nice night to stick my feet in the pool. Only problem was it's private property and there was a huge iron fence. No problem for the tall doctor. He hoisted me over the fence and then jumped over himself and I dipped my feet in while we continued chattering away.
I wasn't really getting necessarily an overly romantic vibe though he was cute and nice, and by this time it was nearly 2 AM (we had met at 7:30 PM) so we decided to head back to my car, which was parked at the initial restaurant. When we got there we hugged goodbye he gave me a peck on the lips, and then I'm still not sure how but it turned into like a 45 minute make-out session. I didn't feel any huge sparks but I wasn't repulsed and I hadn't anything more interesting to do at the time. After a while not being from the area, and living about 45 minutes away he asked if I would mind if he crashed on my COUCH. I figured that he was harmless so I let him follow me back home. I told him he could stay in the guest room, and he asked me to keep him company for a bit. I went upstairs and changed into my most unsexy outfit of shorts and a t-shirt and a little more kissing later he tried to stick his hand up the short. I slapped it, being on my best behavior to which he responded "But I'm a breast surgeon, have you ever had a thorough exam?"
"Yes, I do annually and last time I heard, I was in good shape, and I don't need surgery" I retorted. That was the end of that and we somehow (though I normally am not a fan of sleeping next to someone) managed to fall asleep next to him. Must have been the wine/rum/vodka. At around 5 AM I woke up and went to my own room and the next morning he was gone. He sent me an email saying he had fun, and that I sure make out a lot on the first date - just kidding. Well actually I guess I did, but so did he. We made plans for the following Sat. Each day leading up till then he emailed me. On that Thursday (last week) I got an email asking what we were doing Sat and that he had stolen me scrubs from the hospital YAY. Eight hours later before I had a chance to respond to the first email I got this email.
"Hey….

I’m sorry…. I can’t make on Saturday.
After I got back home tonight and unpack my stuff I saw my ex’s pictures. I realized I miss her so much…. I feel shamed because I was hurt and try to find rebound from all the dating sites. I emailed and called her. Finally, she agrees that we will work on our relationship!
I have to stop all the connection with all my dates, and hope you understand…

Surgeon

Ps, don’t have to write back to me or call. You are a good girl and good luck to you!
Pretty poor grammar for a surgeon, don't you think? Anyway I am pretty pissed I wasn't able to get the scrubs but my friend said it would be in poor taste to just email and ask for them. Don't really care about the guy but I was kinda bummed about not getting my snazzy scrubs. Anyway not having much luck with surgeons. The first one wanted his money back, the second one's mom paid (though I did tease him about this in an email and he claimed he used his own credit card, his moms was the platinum, he paid with the regular) Clearly not the greatest loss.
The last date in the line up was last Monday with almost MBA. We had been talking for a while now and I barely remembered what his pic looked like so I was surprised when he got out of his car at the restaurant we met at by my office with a shiny gold watch, a blingy gold bracelet, and matching necklace. We started with drinks during which I went to the ladies room and encountered 4 other woman all single, and on dates with people they weren't into, and we exchanged numbers. I think Almost MBA found it interesting when I emerged from the bathroom and said I had to give out my number to a few ladies before I got back to him. Might as well make some new friends...while he was a very nice guy, and definitely also WAY into his mother (though I didn't see her name on his charge card) the physical attraction was just not there for me. At dinner he told me I had luscious lips. I suppose this was an indication he was interested in exploring them further. Not part of the deal there, no matter how yummy the Hibachi was (and it was yummy). I got out seamlessly in enough time to go home and watch my soap.



And so last weeks marathon has concluded and was entertaining at the last. Tomorrow I'll intend to update you all on this weeks OUT of the office plan on elevator man's boat. That's right I am DAMN good.....this is gonna be interesting!
Sweet Dreams All

Thursday, July 10, 2008

The Elevator Chronicles: MYSTERY SOLVED!!!


Good Evening All,
I apologize for my long absence though I hope it's worth the wait. After two long months of fading into the background as my elusive email pen pal, elevator and I finally took our long awaited walk! Elevator and I had been having some IM conversations and with work entering into a crunch time I've been at the office a little more. I bit the bullet last week and imed him during the day and said when are we going walking. We agreed to meet at the same elevator we originally met at. For 45 minutes we walked and chatted and bantered, and so many things were brought up, however still not the answer to the question. As our walk came to an end I figured I'm just going to have the bite the bullet and ask.
The topic had transitioned to cleaning woman and as I mentioned that I might give up cable, and even electricity I wouldn't ever give up my cleaning woman. He had said he was interested in getting on so I said with that new addition on your House you must have a lot of space to clean right?
"Well...not exactly he trailed off. I'm kinda not living there anymore. I'm in an apartment now. I'm in the process of getting divorced."
**********************************************
And so there it is folks that answer we've all been waiting for. However, wait there's more. Behind door number 2 is that's right folks two young children 3 and 5! Now clearly he didn't want me to know any of this cause he's spent the last 2 months completely avoiding the topic. As we entered back into the office I offered him one of the chocolates I had brought in from the weekend. We had several times discussed our mutual love of sweets. He told me to follow him back to his office and showed me pics of the kids (super adorable) and we chatted a bite more. I said I was jealous he had a private office and he told me I could come over and hang out or use it whenever I like.
Now the following day or maybe the next day, he imed me first and asked when we could walk but our schedules just wouldn't align so that didn't work. However, I told him I could drop by his office quickly and he obliged. Once inside he mentioned he had to get on a call with his boss so I said I would leave and he told me not to worry about it dialed in and then muted the call so we could continue to chat. This surprised me a little bit. I ended up hanging out again in his office during the call, until he needed to take a one on one call for about 45 minutes. A few days later another IM session ensued and the banter seemed to go borderline flirty as we talked about his boat and how I couldn't swim, and would prefer a red life jacket. He told me he had no idea where to find one so I googled it and sent him the link telling him I expected one. Then he mentioned that he thought I looked good in red, and said he had liked my outfit from the other day.....
So now that I know he's in the process of divorce the question is why? An interoffice affair? Wife catching him emailing strange woman he doesn't know all hours of the night? The whole kid factor throws a damper in things. However, he's hot, high up and has a boat so my plan of action is to let the flirting continue and hope for at the last an invite on the boat. I'm not feeling this as a real potential dating situation at all, but a little banter never hurt anyone!
Tomorrow I'll be in the office so we'll see if a walk with by in the cards. I may even wear red...
Stay tuned for that and so many more stories to catch up on that I'll be posting over the next few days including last weeks date with hedge fund guy, Sat night's date with surgeon, a new guy, and tomorrow nights date with Almost MBA.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Can I have your cherry? if not your socks..


Good Evening All,

I haven't seen any comments on the latest posts so please post comments! Anyway I'm fresh back from a bachelorette party in NYC this weekend where nothing but trouble occured. Inititally I hadn't even wanted to go- not so much a fan of the city, various modes of transportation to get there, all the noise, the craziness, the truly odd people and lifestyles that you just don't see living in the woods. Here however, you'll notice to your left the first real picture I've ever posted on this. I figured the legs of myself and the other attendees are anonymous enough. The doorman seemed to have some angular issues when asked to take our photo. Any guesses on which one I am?


This was the first bachelorette party I'd been to where to men were invited. The bride (a close high school friend) had invited one of her childhood friends as well a a male college friend, both of whom dressed in drag for the occasion. This was the first of the odd things I was exposed to.....The whole man in a mini skirt with a tuft of belly hair riding up the abdomen, exposed by a belly shirt that said "blow". Enough said. Never mind the taxi we took after the ride from the hostesses apartment where we dined on classy and yummy delicacies such as the gummy penises, took us down to the Village. We weren't even out of the taxi and I was alarmed. After departing I noted the fact we were were walking with two men wearing woman's clothing and neon colored ladies wings (one with devil horns) and not one person seemed to be the least bit fazed by this.
Prior to entering the bar we were given my favorite of all bachelorette fun- the scavenger hunt. For those of you not privy to this often times naughty excuse to do things one might (not all) not normally do it's this list that generally the bride has to complete before the end of the night of she's subject to taking shots or whatever else the bridal party decides. However, this evening had a twist. All were to be involved in the scavenger hunt. Adorned with name tags that read "Aura Gasm" "Fook mee" and "Anita Man" we entered the bar and as my competitive nature shifted fully into gear while the other girls were ordering (and paying for their own $15 martinis) I launched into full pursuit.
Within a few minutes I had a few check marks on the list. I had gotten a guys number (and picture with him), gotten a guy to give me his condom, gotten marriage advice written on a napkin from another guy (he wrote one word- overrated), but I could not get anyone to give me their sock. Several guys who I asked to show me their underwear weren't wearing any, and soon I thought why not get the bride into the action. She was laying low at the tables with the others so I grabbed her and said you need to check something off already how about asking that guy in the red to dance for you which was one of the requisite items on the list. He looked like he'd be up for it, I thought bewildered at his skin tight red undershirt not noticing at the time his hand was on the shoulder of another guy. Oh they were up for it and more.
They insisted on coming over to our table and put her in a chair and started gyrating one in front and one in the back around her. This was a sight only the city would provide. At least she got a chechmark! Onto the club things started really getting interesting. I spotted a sailor fresh of the boat, pictures were taken, music started getting good. Complimentary shots of vodka were being passed out, and then I spotted them. A group of 5 or so hot guys on the other side of the bar. Time to stake out some more checkmarks. After begging for a sock from this group (you'd be surprised how several shots and a goal of winning brings out a not very dormant uninhibited side) I said well if you're not going to give me a sock you had better do something. The guys took my list and noticed the line that said reach over the bar and steal a guys cherry and tell him thanks for my cherry or something equally as lame. Well one of them- luckily one of the hotter ones reached across the bar and put the cherry between his teeth and said come and get it. Well you didn't need to tell my twice, I think we managed to jointly tie the stem in a knot with our tongues.
Excellent- this party had no officially gotten started. The bride was highly entertained by the posse of hot guys I brought over to join our fun and as the music got louder and the grinding got more feverish, more fun was had. The fact I needed/ wanted to catch a train home started to escape me. I clearly recall making out with someone else from the hot guy group before the end of the night. I can't for the life of me decide if it was cherry guy or one of his hot friends but really I can't say I'm losing any sleep over it. After finally realizing if we had any prayer of catching our train we would need to depart, goodbyes were said to the hot guys and a 55 block taxi ride ensued. With only 2 minutes to spare, one of the other party girls and I ran like the wind through the train station at the speed of lightening in our dresses and 4 inch heels lucky to make it just in time.
And this my friends is why I love still being single. No rules, many hot guys! Maybe NYC isn't as bad as I thought....

Monday, June 16, 2008

Neither far nor near, look in that mirror rear

Good Evening All,
Remember that younger man I was telling you all about. Just three years my junior, but still a bit strange to me. We actually went out Sunday night. After chatting by phone a few times, he said he wouldn't mind driving to come take me to dinner. Younger Man lives a state away and a good 2 hours plus, but would be at the other end of the state for the weekend visiting family so we agreed to meet. When I found out the place I initially wanted to go was closed I googled restaurants in the next town and came across one that looked like a regular nice Italian restaurant. I printed out two sets of directions and headed out to the commuter parking lot in that town to meet him, so he could follow me. My only concern was that the restaurant was nearby this large 55+ complex in the town, and I was hoping it wasn't somehow associated with that. However, the website didn't list any affiliation and I figured it would have mentioned if that was the case.

I got out of my jeep and saw younger man walking towards me. He was a cute kid, His hair was lighter than the pictures and at his ripe young age he still had all of it. Check mark one in place! I explained that I was hoping this place had nothing to do with this weird senior complex , which is almost like it's own town and he very politely offered to look it up on his navigation system. He told me I could follow him as it came right up.

Then the scavenger hunt began. We traveled about seven minutes through very residential areas until we came upon this little separate area that seriously doesn't even seem like it's part of the actual town we were in. Quite nice condos and homes adorned a whole neighborhood, complete with its own library, store, gardens etc. I only know this because we took quite the tour. Several times as he glances at me in his rear mirror and motioned to pull over we had seen signs for this place but no matter where we turned it was nowhere to be found. He even asked a man walking out of his condo where it was and he had no idea. Luckily his system and the number and unluckily even the people who worked at this place couldn't figure out how to explain it. As I continued to follow him I was extremely embarrassed this guy had driven over 60 miles to meet me in the next town only to find out I hadn't a clue where this place was I clearly selected at the last minute.

Finally after what was at least 25 minutes we came across another sign and then entered...a country club. I panicked as the restaurant had looked pretty standard on the web page. He was wearing shorts, and I a skirt, but still. Would we even be able to go in, or was it members only? As we are seating outside on a beautiful patio literally in the middle of a gorgeous gold course, the waitress hands us the menus and then I see entrees are around $30 each. I felt horrible. I have to say younger guy was extremely polite, well mannered and entirely unfazed by all of this craziness. There we were clearly junior to the rest of the patrons by 60 years or so sitting outside on this damp, but beautiful patio at this insanely pricey restaurant. Not to worry he told me I ordered a chicken dish that ran on the lower end of the prices and to the GA man's dismay a nice glass of red wine.

Unfortunately for all of you the humor in this date ended after the wild goose chase to find the place. Dinner was nice, relaxed, and conversation flowed. I didn't feel any kind of particular flirty connection but there was a lot of requisite first date details to get out, so no worried. If he calls again I'd go out again, and if not I wouldn't lose sleep over it. After all this was one fine meal, that after telling him about oral surgeon he promised he wouldn't ask to be reimbursed for.

In other updates Sunday afternoon I received an email from fratboy1 who has resurfaced again. He wanted to let me know he was closing on his new place on Monday and had been busy but hoped I'd been enjoying the weather, and that I had a great weekend. Not sure what his deal is but whatever. I congratulated him and moved on. Almost MBA and I chatted by phone a few times last week. Still no plans to meet but perhaps in the coming weeks. As saddened as I am to report no walk yet with elevator man. Looking at his calendar for work he's swamped with meetings usually lasting into the evenings every single night. I will be in the office tomorrow and hope to hear from him as I will surely keep everyone posted.

Night All!

Quirks versus Jerks

Good Evening All,
Hope everyone had a marvelous weekend. So the other day I was perusing my favorite place- the online ads for attractive, educated men with a full head of hair and I came across the profile of one who seemed to fit the profile. Only problem was he was from GA. No harm in chatting though as we began to IM. GA man was an entrepreneur, and willing to relocate anywhere. We chatted away exchanging the requisite initial information and he told me I was quirky, but I assured him everyone was- or so I thought. After a few minutes GA man informed me that he had been sitting all day and was tired of typing. Just call me he wrote and sent me a phone number. Without even knowing his name I figured why not- always with my readers in mind. Perhaps this might make an interesting story I thought.
"So what exactly do you do?" I inquired after he told me early on in the conversation that if we got to like each other coming many states away would be no problem at all as he could come and go and was more than willing at a moments notice. Perhaps that was the first sign of problems.
"I set up websites and let them just make me money while I do nothing. I'm so sick of meeting girls who are focused on their work and always busy. I flew to NY recently to meet this woman and I had to actually wait for her to get out of work before we could hang out. Ridiculous I know. I can't be held down with some kind of 9-5 job. These woman their whole life is about work they wake up and think about it, put make-up on for it, go to it, bring it home. It's out of control" he lamented
"So what kind of websites are these?" I asked nervously already writing him off but thinking I should be polite
"Well If I tell you you might be weirded out <you think> I mean it's not like I practice every single thing I do. I promised myself I wouldn't tell anyone but you sound like an honest intelligent person ok fine I'll show you the site"
"Is this something my work computer is going to block"
"No, no nothing like that. I sell products and expert advice on a pure eating lifestyle. Are you into organic food?"
"I buy it sometimes but I wouldn't say it's all I eat" As I clicked on the website I came across all of this odd information on pure diets and raw food, and a whole page with pictures of many of my favorites (popcorn, chocolate, wine) saying click here if you're addicted to these foods. Luckily my work laptop blocked the sites as I am sure I didn't want to see what was beyond the little click here words.
"You see because my body's enzymes are balanced, I don't need to indulge in any of this negative food. I don't drink any alcohol, eat any junk good, eat any meat."
"But, what's left?" I inquired. "No alcohol? Not even wine" I was in shock. My wine bottles quivered from within the fridge nearby. I could feel their pain.
"Listen, if you give me a month, forget it three weeks I could make it so you don't ever even need wine, you're body will have the balanced nourishment it needs."
"I don't need it, I drink it to enhance the flavor of my food"
"Your body wouldn't even accept it anymore. It is crying out for the purity of raw and indigenous foods."
"I'm not giving up wine, but I'm not certain I follow what exactly you do eat"
"Like I said I don't follow every single thing on my site, I mean some people take it to an extreme You know those little bugs on the lettuce when you bring it home?"
"No!" and really I didn't have the faintest clue what he was talking about. I mean rarely is lettuce one of the many veggies I buy but if I do I haven't seen any little critters scampering a long it.
"Some suggest that eating these bugs maintains the inner organic nature of your systems"
"Hmmm, very interesting" I muttered now feeling very alarmed. In the background I could hear a lot of noise and inquired if he was outside
"Yes, of course I'm jumping on my trampoline. It balances the nodules in my head. I don't need to formally exercise or indulge in any toxins because jumping creates a mental peace and clarity. I told you I was quirky. At this point I knew a fabulous story to post was brewing so I continued probing.
"So these businesses of yours keep your financially stable enough never to have to work another job? Do you own a place?"
"Ok well that's a long story. I could have a place if I wanted to but right now because of an adverse turn of events I am living with family . My brother and I inherited a large sum of money when my grandfather passed away and we gave it to my father to invest and he lost it all, so since I am ready to go anywhere at any time I just don't see a point in getting a place, although obviously I could. Have you ever heard of mud huts? I've always wanted to live in one. Don't you? It's just this wonderful structure that's completely natural!"
"Ummm no I actually don't want to live in one. I'm not quite sure they'd fit in where I live
"So tell me about your job. Are you another one of those 9-5 woman"
"Well I actually love my job and enjoy working"
"Surely though when you have kids you won't work right? I mean my mother obviously stopped working when she had kids, and my aunt and you know female cousins they don't work. They make themselves available in case their husbands want to do something fun."
"I don't have any plans not to work. I think it teaches kids responsibility, and besides I have professional goals"
"You goal should be to get away from all that ridiculousness and be able to jump all day if you want or gather materials to build a hut. That's the life you know you want, you could have it to with me.
"As overly appealing as that sounds, I'm positive that's not something I have any interest in but I do wish you the best of luck" It was time to get back to reality, emails, cell phones, walls made of sheet rock. As I hung up the phone I pondered that never in my life was I more geographically comfortable. This quirky jerk drank no wine, ate no chocolate, and jumped around feeling good after eating bugs, complaining that woman worked.
Sometimes more and more, it feels damn good to be single.


Tuesday, June 10, 2008

FLASHBACK: Jack-O-Latern out of season, with good reason.





Good Evening All,


Sorry to disappoint but there's no news from Elevator Man. He was out all AM, and in meetings until the afternoon when he left early. Maybe the wife needed him at home? Anyway no communication. However I did rope my co worker into a covert operation to the area we thought he might sit in so we could try and stake out his office this AM while he was out and look for family photos. The mission was aborted after proving unsuccessful so the mystery continues. Not to worry, I'll be back at the office on Thursday eagerly soaking up the cool air that's being provided on my company's dime! Chatted with Almost MBA for a bit tonight but we got cut off and I didn't realize until a few minutes ago he had called right back so I figured it might be too late to call. Will try and touch base tomorrow....Also got a number emailed to me today from a new frog, he's a young one from the next state over. Three years my junior. Asked me to give him a call. Does that count as robbing the cradle?




So since I have no new elevator news thought I'd share a tale of online non bliss, and no kiss from the past. This all went down about 7 or 8 years ago so quite sometime. When I was newly single after my high school into college though it should have been called off in high school relationship came to a lilting end. I decided to explore the world of Internet dating. Ahhhh so much fun and so many more frogs in far proximity that had no idea the restaurant I said was great in the area was the most expensive one I couldn't ever get anyone local to take me too (sans the high school ex). Just think in all these instances no one ever asked for their money back...




Shortly after I posted my profile, I got an email from a guy, senator wannabe and we exchanged photos, chatted by phone and made plans to meet. Senator wannabe was a little shorter then what I was looking for, at 5’10, but he seemed cute in the picture, and was very ambitious. After changing the plans a few times we agreed to meet at the mall, my fathers sanctioned public locale in case the guy was an evil rapist. My sister who was in high school, and also under 100lbs and my father appointed body guard of choice was busy that night so I went at it solo. When I got to the mall I called his cell phone from mine and was talking to him until we saw each other and hung up. It looked like a scene from “Clueless” as we flipped our phones down and walked towards each other. Hey this was barely 2000 so forgive the old school chick flick reference please.




The first thing I noticed was that he was a few inches at least, shorter then he claimed to be. He couldn’t possibly have been taller then 5’7” and he didn’t look that much like his picture. This, as time went on I would learn was a running theme in Internet dating. We decided to eat at the the mall (not sure how I missed out on the pricey restaurant here) and the conversation flowed pretty well. Senator wannabe was from a wealthy town about an hour away and wanted to spend most of the time talking about his time on a political campaign and all of the people whom his father knew. He was clearly stuck-up, but for my father sake I tried to give him a chance. After all he was ahhh yes one of the Chosen People!



Upon the conclusion of the rather uneventful, but highly bragging dinner, in the same format that all of the other dates had taken, we headed back to my parents house. My father liked to assess everyone. My parents got into this big conversation on the town they used to live in with senator wannabe and I was so bored I considered calling up a friend to chat. As I often did in life, I wondered if my parents would ever leave the room. The conversation soon morphed into the fact that the guy had been recently voted into the Board of Education in his town and he was telling my father about the propaganda he had distributed during his campaign. After he had told my parents that he knew the state senator about 17 times, I had already counted how many family pictures adorned our living room, and noticed several spots of discoloration on the ceiling.




We finally decided to go upstairs because when he looked at his watch he realized that “Law and Order” was on and asked if I minded if he watched it. I had never seen the show before but was enjoying it a lot since it was certainly more enticing than conversing with him. This was until I bit into a Godiva Truffle (my usual choice snack) and half of my front tooth flew out of my mouth. Ok maybe it was really bonding but I still looked like a Jack O Lantern. I wasn’t in that much pain but I was certainly embarrassed as I scurried out of the room to call my dentist at home who luckily agreed see me the next morning. Actually my conversation with her was much more interesting than senator wannabe or "Law and Order" but alas I had to return back to the room where the bonding lay.



Soon after the tooth incident, senator wannabe had to head out (hmm I wonder why) so as I walked him to the door, with my hand covering my mouth, I knew I had more then a perfect excuse not to kiss him goodnight. Although I was unhappy that I looked like I had been punched in the mouth, it was a blessing in disguise because I avoided a kiss, citing irrevocable tooth pain, and happily closed the door behind him. He instant messaged me frequently after the date and asked me out to dinner several times, but I declined because I didn’t want him to get the idea I was interested. My tooth was fixed though and turned out immaculate thanks to the work of my amazing dentist, to whom I was a very frequent visitor (and still am) , as a result of my fixation on Godiva chocolate. With a brand new filling and a perfect smile I was ready to meet the next guy, in my string of online suitors.




Hope you all enjoyed a little glimpse of frogs, the early version! Hopefully tomorrow updates will ensue.




Nite All!