Monday, August 24, 2009

Honestly, mostly honesty is the best policy when you disagree with their policies!

Good Evening,
After the handshaking debacle a few people including my Grandmother told me to give lawyer the benefit of the doubt and go out again. Our plan was for a Sunday evening and he offered to come to my town but I strongly discouraged it- my reasoning. When a guy wants to hang out on a work night near where you live, by a certain time of night there is nothing to do and that's when it seems like a great idea (to them) to invite themselves to your place. Now once they walk in the door, you can be assured that in their mind sex is right there on the table. It's not on my table, and my house is full of tables so that was just not an option. Therefore I opted to venture a few towns south of where I live where we could meet by the water and hang out.

As we met he was once again on his cell, but that I could shrug off as I am guilty of the same though usually hang up before I leave my car. As we walked along the water we meandered to an area he claimed to be his favorite spot. You know what those are like, the more secluded area where the walkway extends out further and the wood is carved with initials and non prosaic statements and questions by teenagers who felt cool making out there past curfew. When I asked how many girls he had brought their previously he claimed none but I just couldn't believe it. As we walked and chatted somehow the topic of deal breakers came up. He mentioned how their was an exception to every rule and I said that's true, for example one of my non budgable qualities is a full head of hair ( I can't help it everyone has preferences!). When I thought about it though I decided suppose someone who had shaved their head in support of a relative or friends who was God forbid going through chemo would be an exception.

Obviously living at home is another deal breaker for me. Now of course there are exceptions such as recently divorced, going through graduate school, or at home to aid an ailing parent/ relative. However, after having owned my own home for five years now and still (yes still) being under the age of 30 I have a low tolerance for this. When we were discussing exceptions he said kind of like my situation. "What do you mean!?" I gasped. "You don't live at home."
"You know I do. I told you that"
"OK clearly I would remember that. You have a studio apartment in the next town?"
"Ummm, are you confusing me with another one of your dates? I never said that, I have an office in the next town, and I don't live there"
"But, I could swear you said that. Trust me I definitely would have remembered that!"
OK so he's 3 years older than I and his parents basically said that because he was working on building his legal practice he should just live at home. He claimed it was cost him $3000 a month. Now I know we live in one of the priciest areas of the country, but come on. Maybe to live like your parents live, where a housekeeper takes care of everything and you have a large place indicative of having worked for a longer period of time that he had, but come on. At 32 you should want to not live with your parents. You should be willing to live in a cheaper town, rent a room, get a studio. I would sleep in the small office instead of being one of those that's enabled. My reaction was obviously dramatic to him, so he asked if if I felt I needed to cal a friend and discuss or go home. Hell no, I drove 30 miles out of my way and hear that this guy who mooches off his parents now was trying to get out of buying me dinner. I don't think so. He suggested a pub, and I nixed that. I wasn't going for crap food after this convo. Instead we opted for his ex gf's favorite Asian Fusion place, which turned out to be great. For once, I broke my own rules and ordered the steak (It was an Asian place, only $22) because this guy clearly blows several hundred a week on booze and eating out every day (hmm enough for rent perhaps?). Anyway the ex had great taste in restaurants, but not in men, well maybe since she's moved on...
After dinner, I had a bad taste in my mouth, but not from the delectable food, however from the laziness of this moocher. To top it off, I just really did not like his personality. I guess I knew that from the beginning to an extent but was willing to give it a try. As we were in the car about to say goodbye, I was concerned with it being the 4th date and my success record of avoiding a kiss. He started to lean in but it was intermittent, like a woodpecker...I started laughing and that luckily killed the moment. I got away with a closed mouth wouldn't be incestuous if it was your Uncle kiss. I have to say he was good with the follow up and I heard from him daily. He even invited me to go out on his friends boat for the upcoming weekend. Although I initially texted I didn't feel we because I was hungover from the previous night (true), I really just didn't want to lead him on and meet his friends and then subsequently announce I didn't like his personality or some nicer excuse. My friends made me promise not to back down and so I did it I called and said that I had been thinking about it and I just couldn't deal with the living at home thing.
"It won't be forever" he claimed. However three years seemed to be forever to me, and he didn't even have any seemingly close plans to consider it. "Don't you think that's shallow?" he exclaimed.
"Actually the correct use of the word (this English lesson for a lawyer, go figure) would be if I said you didn't make enough $$ for me"
And soon after the convo was awkwardly over, thank goodness I was free of the bad personality, living at home lawyer.
So who else was on the horizon? Well, I was supposed to meet the teacher and he sent me an email suggesting lunch at this dive bar known for having crap food so I wrote back and suggested about 8 other places (not too pricey or anything just not crappy) citing that the place was just not known for its food. I got an email back the next day (day before our date) saying he was going to have to do something he didn't do too often and cancel due to the fact school was starting, and he was working on starting a business, writing a novel, and also was overwhelmed by the response of people who wanted to date him since he began online dating. Now here was my sympathy date. Someone I figured since he lived in the next town and seemed OK, although I didn't find his pics attractive I would give it a try. I am not sure who these people are who are overwhelming him (is another one or two overwhelming?) but I didn't care. I was relieved to have the time back in my schedule, and have avoided eating crap food. His email went on to say that he sincerely did want to meet me and this was in no way to avoid going out, he was just overwhelmed. He asked me to contact him in 3-4 weeks and then he definitively wanted to start something. I couldn't hit the delete button fast enough!
So whom do you ask do we have left in the current and ever changing line up? There's still the analyst, whom I am supposed to be chatting by phone with for the first time tomorrow and potentially meeting for dinner this weekend.
The consultant from years ago has once again (third time was not a charm) disappeared so he's out for now
In new news, we've got a psychologist I spoke to on the phone from the next state who suggested potential drinks for next week, another lawyer who is moving to my state shortly who I've been exchanging long emails with, the newest recruit today's new match who I found out through our exchanging of info is divorced with a three year old son across the country, and whose family are Mormon zealots, but my friend thought he sounded nice so I should keep corresponding. Now if that isn't a potentially titillating cast of characters for next week what is? By tomorrow half could be gone, and a new few could emerge. Until then, take care!

Monday, August 10, 2009

To shake or not to shake- that is the questions, or is it the answer?

Good Afternoon All,

As promised I made my weekend date with the lawyer after finding out the consultant had to go out of town. Let me backtrack a bit...last year, specifically in January of 08 after a serious relationship ended the first guy I started talking to was consultant. Since I was still bummed about the other relationship ending, and was weary about meeting someone new I hesitated to meet in person. Consultant and I sent wonderfully long, and introspective emails for close to two months, and I found out ironically one of the main companies he consulted for was my company. After a few months and maybe 1 or 2 calls or communication ceased, and I wondered what had happened. I wasn't too surprised to get an email that was extremely nice but basically said around the same time he started talking to me he started also talking to someone else he had met in person, and wanted to be fair to both of us and see where it went with her. I was disappointed but there were many frogs to meet so I moved on. Fast forward to the fall of 08 where my company had rumors floating around about lay-offs and I remembered that consultant was working with highers ups who impacted the financial decisions at our company so after discovering that he still worked for the same company I sent him a casual email asking if he knew anything about lay-offs and it was well received. We went back and forth with him mentioning he didn't want to lose touch again.

Just as it happened the last time though less prescriptively we lost touch and I started dated my ex, dentist/roomie. A few weeks after he moved out tough, I sent consultant a casual email saying it's time for our once every 9-10 months hello and if he wanted to catch up sometime to let me know. It took about ten days (because of him being out of town due to a serious family illness) but he did get back to me saying that he did want to get together and inquired when would work. We had planned for Friday but he had to go back out of town, and after texting back and forth over the weekend I am hoping we'll solidify plans soon. It would be nice after knowing so much about each other through email for over a year and a half to actually meet in person in any context.

So back to Friday- after finding out Consultant was busy I agreed to give lawyer a third chance (rare for me as I usually am the two date wonder, as in they wonder why they never get a third date). We agreed to meet in a town in between where both of us live and as we walked in I was quite surprised to see a close friend there dining with someone. I introduced the lawyer to my friends and he saw down, there was no handshake! I had never seen anything like it. Although he claimed to say hi, even after me motioning for him to come over and reiterating that these were my friends he continued to sit. I was in awe. Am I blowing this out of control? Come to find out when I saw my friend the next day her friend had said lawyer seemed sketchy because he didn't in fact shake their hands, or make good eye contact- see I am not the only one who appreciates proper etiquette. Once we were eating I commented to lawyer that he seemed not to be in a good mood. He admitted he was stressed about work, and while I can certainly sympathize with that my feeling is that on the third date you need to bring it. Put your best foot forward or cancel like last time. My other concern is that two out of three times we've met there has been trouble at work so could he be too high maintenance?

Moving on from dinner we again went out to get some ice cream and since I was buying some chocolate to take home I said I would pay for the ice cream. Now he claims that he did say thank you but I didn't hear it. Ok I can give him the benefit of the doubt for that but still was unsettled about the handshaking thing. When I mentioned to him that I couldn't believe he didn't shake my friends hands, and he claimed he thought they were just acquaintances, but what does it matter? I shake everyone's hands regardless of how important I think they are to the person who has introduced us. As we sat outside and chatted with our ice cream the topic of sex came up. So how many times if you are in a boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship do you think you should have sex a week? Again sizing me up for how I'd be as a girlfriend, but what are you bringing to the table as a potential boyfriend? He started to tell me about how relationships often end because of a disagreement about sex, but I made sure to tell him that it's not the sex that's the problem it's a consequence of a larger problem. If a girl doesn't want to have sex with you when your her boyfriend it's more than likely for a reason other than sex.

After mentioning that I didn't think the date was going that well I agreed to go for a drink. As we walked into the first option I saw what I am still 100% was two men kissing. He told me that they were talking to a shorter woman and he thought that one of them kissed the woman not the man. It was still not acceptable for me so we moved onto the next place, which he soon vetoes because he said it had a weird odor, along with a lot of underage looking kids smoking outside, seemed to be a running theme where we went, though this time we were in a very wealthy town. You couldn't tell that by the next place we finally ended up in, a pretty male dominated sports bar/ restaurant where the drinks were subpar and the atmosphere was just not there for me. Lawyer's mood improved and he mentioned he thought things were going better but the earlier mood had kinda set a bad tone for me. As the night went on I knew being our third date he was definitely going to try and make a move, but just not feeling it no altoid went in my mouth, and I wasn't looking for anything else there either. As he learned in for the kiss I must have given a some kind of look or something because he almost immediately backed away and asked if he could kiss me on the cheek. I said sure that's chivalrous and awkwardly departed for the night. Later on he sent me a text saying he hoped I got home safely and he would be really nice to me in the future. The next day I got another text saying I should shake my friends hand at the movies. I mentioned I was going to the movies with the same friend he didn't shake hands with during our date the following day.

I didn't respond because I wasn't quite sure how to take it, and last night he left me a vm around 9 telling me to call back and he'd be up late. Tonight I must return the call and in my general blunt and honest way I think I will tell him my concerns. I am torn between giving up but also with financially impactful news that was negative today and a large car repair bill wondering if I should give it one more spin to get another free drink/ meal. Can't hurt right? Hey guys do not get a period, or give birth, we totally deserve the free drinks!

So who else is on the horizon you may wonder? Well there's the teacher whose pics I am not attracted too who I have a lunch date planned for Sunday with since I figured I should at least give him a chance.

There's also the analyst who looks diff in every pic who lives 2 hours away that I've been emailing for a few weeks. His company pays for him to keep an apartment in London. No word of meeting yet but I imagine it will come.

In addition, there's the incredibly hot stockbroker who I sent my number to yesterday after he suggested meeting up sometime. He's from western Canada originally and was of course a professional ice hockey player.

And then we're still waiting on whether the long awaited meeting with consultant will ever actually take place...stayed tuned cause things can only get more dramatic, more twisted, and more feisty.

Until then...

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Back in the saddle, more frogs for the blog!

Good Evening All,

Seems it's been quite some time since I deviated from one main frog to jumping from Lily pad to Lily pad. Well after an 8 month relationship with yet again another roommate (only taking females from now on, and NO not even a chance). I'm back in the game again. Roomie/dentist is back fixing super outdoorsy folks cavities on the Oregon trail, and I am hot on the trail perhaps to finally find someone I don't look at and wonder if there's anyone else better. Is that possible? Only time will tell of course. So fresh after the most mutually agreeable we're 3000 miles away and weren't meant to be anyway should have shaken hands at the end break-up why waste anytime?

Within a week I was out with the first one a lawyer who seemed jaded by NY woman but well-educated, ambitious and ready to make plans. It was a Monday night when we met for some ice cream. The conversation flew pretty well as we took a walk, ate some calories, and then walked some off. The requisite what was your worst date convo took place and I must say though not better than my stories he did have some gems. There was the girl who brought her gay best friend on the date without asking, and he made it just ten minutes before ducking out the bathroom door. And then there was the girl who told him he was her second date of the night. "Why would you tell me that?" he exclaimed!

"Well I plan on sleeping with either you, the guy before you, or the one I am meeting afterwards so keep your cell on and I'll call you if I decide you're the guy I'm going to screw".

And folks wonder why NY is the city that never sleeps? Maybe it's the city that never sleeps with the same person (more than once at least). In any event I felt like while there was a jaded an cynical undertone to a lot of what he said, we had a pretty good banter going and when he asked if I'd like to continue hanging out I said sure and we headed to this bar I had never gone into before because I thought it was seedy. Well turns out I was right. Welcome to middle aged guys drinking beer and playing poker with nothing else to do on a Monday night central. We grabbed some drinks and headed for the patio where the conversation continue to flow as did the flurry of middle aged have to take a break from the straights and flushes to torture their lungs crowd. For a first date it was pretty decent, no major sparks but no major non sparks and a hug goodbye was respectful and going along with my new whole taking it slow and feeling it out (not up or down) mentality. Lawyer followed up with a text and seemed interested in going out again.

In the interim I had been talking to personal trainer and he invited me not just for drinks and ice cream, but actual dinner! Score! With the boyfriend out of the picture free meals had become a thing of last month and I so needed some badly, especially the kind that came with enough food to wrap some and provide free lunch the next day. Personal trainer/ expert in some unique techniques, which sounded incredibly similar to chiropractic techniques but I was assured were completely opposite and were changing the world one day at a time and I made plans for the upcoming Sunday evening. At first glance outside of the landing strip on his forehead he was pretty cute. Reminded me of a guy in college I used to hook up with. Not that guy the other one....Let's leave that topic for a little while and move on. Personal Trainer sure had a lot of energy and excitement about this new revolutionary methodology and a lot of energy in general. Certainly not a cynic but albeit an actual pickier eater than me.
"I have texture issues" he said
"Oh I have a few friends with those, so no flan, no pudding? I know I know flan looks like snot I hear it from my sister all the time."
"Well pistachio pudding absolutely no flan, no rice pudding, bread pudding vile, mashed potatoes unheard of, rarely can I eat cooked vegetables, and absolutely no stews, soups etc!"
Wow and people thought I was bad! This was nearly impossible. Coming from a guy who said he cooked I can't imagine what he actually cooked. Now I thought I was an impossible orderer but I have never quite heard more substitutions. No onions on the steak, no mashed potatoes, no arugula on top of the steak. I suggested these potatoes I had had before that were crispy fried potatoes with olive oil and herbs. When the food came I asked how he liked his potatoes and he said they were absolutely disgusting? I thought he was kidding until I realized he was clearly not.
Good News: I took the potatoes home and got two side dishes worth of additional meals
Bad News: They just weren't crispy enough for him.
In the course of conversation as he ate simply his steak, which actually was an acceptable texture I found out not only did he have texture issues but also issues with unfinished wood. Chopsticks, Popsicle sticks all horrified him. This was not something I was familiar with. As a fellow picker eater and I can certainly understand and appreciate the idiosyncratic ways of someone who just isn't into trying everything and everything (at least food wise). Unfinished wood though? Really? I am not going to even describe the look on his face when dessert, homemade doughnuts with a dipping sauce came served with a wooden stick speared in one of them. I actually had to remove the stick and put it in my purse. I found it again today and was wondering what it was doing in there. It reminded me why I wasn't concerned I hadn't heard from Personal trainer since the date, or had made an effort to contact him. Before I wrap up that date let me just mention during our worst date comparisons stories he mentioned a woman who he was planning on meeting who asked for a picture of his feet prior to their date. She had a foot fetish he reassured me. Alas, I was not reassured, I was scared. You didn't give him the pic did you, I asked skeptically fearing someone I already perhaps knew the answer. Of course I did what's the harm? Wouldn't you?
How about no, and I am thinking no second date either, but best of luck with your wooden stick phobia, maybe if you mix the eyes of two newts with the skin from a dragon and burn it that can be cured???
The next day I had plans to go out with lawyer again but he texted saying he was burnt and wanted to see how he felt when he got in. I texted back he should grab some aloe vera and relax. Come to find out he meant burnt as in burnt out and thinking he was getting some kind of stomach bug. No need to be around that so we agreed to see how he felt the next day. He texted me at work saying he was feeling much better and could we meet for drinks around 9. I figured for the second date dinner would be more appropriate but he had to change and go to the gym etc etc so I agreed to meet at 9. We showed up to a bar, which is usually hopping on the weekends but was deader than the personal trainer would have been if he had fully encountered the unfinished wooden stick in the doughnut. The bartender sugared the rim of the drinks like I asked but it all went downhill from there. We both struggled through straight vodka, which I added sugar, grenadine, and lemon too and it still tasted awful. Speaking of the bartender she sure did a lot of speaking as she was bored with us being the only customers. It's no problem for me to be friendly and chat with whomever but it's definitely not the best way to get to know someone new.
During our vile drinking lawyer told me that honestly although he was burnt out the previous night, he actually was really stressed about one of his cases and having a bad day, so he didn't want to come out. Ok- that's understandable. After somehow consuming the vodka we meandered on to the next destination a seedy bar up the road where there were folks playing trivial pursuit, and I decided that I couldn't risk another undrinkable drink so I ordered some rice pudding. At least have the guy pay for one thing that's not alcohol right? Thank god I have no food texture issues because the rice pudding was good. While the conversation was pretty decent, I couldn't help but feel like lawyer wasn't as interested in me as how I would be for him. I felt like I was being interviewed as a potential girlfriend, which is fine because everyone sizes each other up however, at the same time you need to balance that with presenting yourself as someone who would also be a potentially desirable partner. Another hug at the end of the date, although I could tell he wanted to kiss me, but thank God realized the atmosphere was not that appropriate with the underage guy smoking and texting sitting on the bench outside the bar where we were saying goodnight. Good call lawyer. And he kept calling. I told him if we were going to go out again it needed to be a real weekend date, before 9 PM, with dinner. It's just not conducive to get to know someone when you can't even sit across from them at the table. Plus, I figured since I am dating more than one person he is too, and if by the third date he can't give me a weekend spot, than he must not be that interested. He was however very good about the texts, and intermittent calls and asked for Friday night. It was what I was looking for except for the fact I had already made tentative plans with Consultant for Friday night....
I must head to bed, but stay tuned for who got Friday night, and meeting the other players in the game of love/luck/I can't believe this is true/ and other tales from the adventurous...
Until tomorrow....

Sunday, December 21, 2008

from Brillo pad head to 1000 reasons for a second date

Good Evening All,

Catch up time continues. After grilled chicken boy went back to his mom and dads house, where he lived. Again, another thing I could not quite come to terms with- I spring boarded right back into another pile of crazies.

There was the one who worked at a mutual fund who was nice enough, great restaurant, barely a brush of the lips, and then a phone call all the way home. It seemed the potential for a second date might have been there except for the fact he decided to request me as a facebook friend. Now here's the problem with that. I've got pics from my Halloween party of pumpkins depicting blow jobs and rear entry positions. Granted they were the coolest pumpkins ever, but those and the pics of my roommate and I simulating the rear entry pumpkin drunk outside my house (clothed thank you) are not exactly what a new guy needs to be seeing. If I don't accept him I seem shady, and if I do, I seem shadier. I decided too, and somehow the offer of a second date did not come...if you have a problem with pumpkin porn, probably not a serious relationship in the cards for you with me buddy!

Then we had the accountant who I told upfront I have huge issues with men not having a full head of hair. No problem he told me he had a complete and total head of hair. We decided to meet at a restaurant I hadn't been to in years pretty soon after we began talking for dessert. No he wasn't lying about the full head of hair, in fact his hair was a Brillo pad. If I didn't have a cleaning woman already to clean my stuff up, I would have grabbed him and started scrubbing- something, anything. He has followed up a bunch of times since even recently and this was at the end of October, but I just can't handle the hair thing. As vain as it sounds- anyone who claimed they didn't have physical preferences would lying. I told him the oral surgeon asking for his money back story and so here's the email he wrote after our date

"You knew this was coming, I hope it was worth the wait:

Itemized Bill Monday, October 20, 2008
Item # Description Time (in hours) Rate/hour total
1 Date Prep 1 200 200
2 Travel time To 0.75 200 150
3 Dessert 2 200 400
4 Travel time Back 0.75 200 150
5 Post Date Thinking 0.5 200 100
However, you get a 20% "Good Date" discount because I found you to be very attractive, interesting, smart, sexy, fun, witty, tasteful in ordering and I actually enjoyed your company
Total after Discount 800
Payment can be to my favorite Charity, The Hooters Scholarship Foundation

Points for creativity and originality but sorry just not feeling him.

So we moved onto the 36 year old divorcee, pay attention cause there's another one of these coming up- whose wife had issues. It seems all the divorced guys wives had issues but not them? Hmmm anyway he sold airline equipment and we were supposed to go out, but the night before I decided to go out to a club with my friend and roommate and consume 5 drinks and about 12 shots in a less than three hour period, purchased by a myriad of guys I told it was my 22nd birthday too (for the record I am not 22, 25 :-) I became violently ill shortly after and spent the next 72 hours nursing a horrible hangover I wouldn't wish on anyone. I decided to tell the guy the truth knowing it would make me sound young and immature but at least I was honest. He texted me about how he wasn't sure what was going on and I should be truthful. Hello- I am being truthful I sound like a moron, I would have made up a better story if we were talking fiction. After we ironed that out we agreed to meet a week later after work at a restaurant near my office. Yes, he did have his hair, but he wasn't all together too interesting. I tried to communicate that vibe but he kept texting me when he was out of the country saying he missed me- you'd be amazed how long it takes this wackos to get the hint!

Next I believe came this guy who while was not divorced was just out of a drama engagement and a six year relationship. He had too much hair, with it being a bit long, but seemed pretty attractive and we had a good rapport on the phone. He worked in NYC in some type of TV media thing I frankly forgot about. I must say his restaurant choice was excellent, and the food was phenomenal. We both shared a clear love for bread pudding, and red wine. The conversation flowed, but unfortunately he was moving the next week to NYC. I may have been able to deal with the hair thing, but once we met, I noticed when he talked that his two front teeth were noticeably longer than all of the others, which made me believe he may be a vampire. I do not need my blood being sucked!

A few weeks ago I endeavored to go out with a consultant who is also 36 and divorced. The emails, and calls went well, and he told me he would give me some ideas of where to go. I liked his initiative and selected ice-skating from his list of three options. Now I had not ice-skated since I was likely a child, and I doubt I was good then. The date began with him waiting outside the restaurant I suggested near the rink, which had been shut down. Since he didn't seem like a serial killer I got in the car with him and took him to my favorite middle eastern haunt that's known for it's eclectic atmosphere, horrible service, and amazing food. He had mentioned his stomach was a little off, but polished down his food, with great compliment. Ice Skating went well, and as a guy I have to hand it to him for coming up with a strategic location where he had to know I would be gripping his hand for dear life. Now one thing I did find pretty odd was that he choose to get figure skating skates, after telling me to get ice-hockey skates. Sounds a little gay no? Anyway again, not really feeling the vibe. You see if the guy tries too hard, me being me and liking a challenge is immediately turned off.

What is trying to hard you may wonder? Here's a good example. Again an excerpt from the following days email from him...

"Hi, I had a great time, and I would love to see you again. Now, before you think about the risk you took to life and limb on date number one, and the record you want to continue about second dates, I thought that I would throw out a couple of reasons why we should go out again…

-No one ended up falling, or in the hospital, despite our best efforts

-We figured out a way to hold hands for most of the evening without feeling awkward (well… I felt off balance more than anything)

-You took me to your favorite restaurant, and I loved the food. You see, we are already finding common interests (and tastes)

-You impressed me with how well you skated right out of the gate… isn’t that what you want from your date? To be impressed with you?

-I can come up with something really creative for date number 2 I will give you a call, and I really hope to see you soon."

Ok this is not a trial where I need supporting evidence. I made it pretty obvious after that email, which yes I suppose you could say was kinda cute (not so much to me) that I was not interested in that second date. As they say in writing- show, don't tell!

I think that about covers the recent escapades and brings you all up to speed on the recent group of suitors. In preparation for the New Year we've got some new ones in the pipeline.

There's the Physician Assistant, new to the area who I spoke with for over an hour yesterday who wants to get together when he comes back from a trip to CA

The Race Car Engineer, I spoke with today also for over an hour who wants to get together when he comes back from a week in Florida.

The 4th year psychiatric medical resident from MA who I have dinner plans with for Tuesday. He told me he doesn't prescribe drugs on the first date- perhaps I'll give him a second so I can get something to handle the firsts with the others!

Until Tuesdays night's recap. Stay warm, & Act hot!

ice skating consultant

Grilled Chicken Eating, Body Building, Non Drinking, Dude

Welcome back to some wild and crazy stories and I do apologize for my several month absence. Life gets hectic, the economy threatens jobs (still have one thank goodness!) but don't worry the wackos have not ceased from my life. So much to catch you all up on here. As shocking as this may seem given my normal two date, and then toss out rule- I am about to introduce you all to Physical Therapist we'll call him PT for short, though at over 6 feet he was not short, at least not in height ;-). Anyway I digress. PT and I met up on the same weekend that I met the guy I got served raw chicken with at the same restaurant that the infamous oral surgeon and I went to dinner at. I had seen two similar pics, and he looked good-looking but when he got out of the car, I was shocked because he was much hotter in person. As we all know it's quite rare I say that. Once inside the restaurant he asked to sit next to me, and as long as I could look at him I could have cared less where we sat.

Dinner was pretty normal, and the vibe was definitely there. It seemed unique though that he loved his plain dinner of grilled chicken and steamed veggies so much he decided to order another one. That's right a complete additional meal, not to eat at home (which was in Long Island- should have been a sign!) Ok the guy was really hot so I figured I would let the dinner thing go. In addition to being a PT, he also worked around L.I as a Personal Trainer (hmm another PT) and people actually paid him $150 an hour! No he did not tell me this on the first date- that's right there's more. After dinner I had suggested we play pool , but PT was fascinated by the area so he wanted to drive around. I was hoping that meant park and make-out but literally he seemed to want to drive around. He kept asking if I could find a body of water and we parked and chatted. This being the first night we met he started in with those, "I haven't felt this connected to someone in so long, and blah blah things". All right let's get on with the making out- and then in the parking lot of the golf course we did. He was a pretty good kisser, but his body I must say was unbelievable!

The date went so well we made plans to hang out the two nights later and met at a book store. Right away before we went in he hinted that he'd rather go for a ride and explore again. He kept asking the guy at the bookstore if there was a body of water nearby and at this point I became concerned maybe he wanted to kill me and dump the body, though speaking of bodies - I hadn't seen much of his hot one yet so I decided to take the risk and go for a drive with him. As we meandered along a road in a town neither of us was familiar with we passed a church, which he slowed down at. I mentioned that I thought he was almost about to pull into the church and to which he responded that was a good idea ( not sure I was suggesting) and pulled right in, no sooner did he pull in there did he seem to want to pull in elsewhere. All of the sudden we were stretched out across his not so large vehicle with closes being pushed around. 2nd date was not going there, although I did go somewhere, and I definitely had no qualms about ditching his shirt, or my own for that matter.

Soon we were talking daily and he decided the following weekend he wanted to come to my place. Knowing that I would have no resistance of we were alone here I was a little cautious, but then I thought if Sex and the City (which I don't watch but presume) doesn't hold out much past the first date, third is pretty status quo right?

So you've seen those ice skating competitions I'm sure where they rate you on technical proficiency and artistic performance right? Keep that in mind and trust me we'll get back to it a little later. Date night comes and we hang out here, and when I say hang out I mean literally talk and talk sitting on the couch for hours until I am so hungry I can't stand it. Well we decide thankfully to go out in a torrential downpour and shockingly enough he orders chicken, no pasta at all on the side and some steamed veggies, and he does it again- orders the same meal and eats it. Now not only does he not do dessert (reason for dining) but he doesn't drink- ANYTHING (reason for living). This I find to be almost but not quite (still working with the whole hot as hell thing) a deal breaker. While at the restaurant an grandpa age guy asked I was waiting for someone, so thinking he meant another couple I said no, and then he looked at PT and said good cause one day she's going to be done with you and then I'm taking her. It was funny the first time as they say but the third time he came over to our table and put his hand on PT's shoulder and asked if we were bored together yet it was a bit much.

So back to the house for some more talking and finally as the evening progressed we meandered upstairs. Now the ice skating thing comes into play. While it wasn't bad by any means it was like he felt the harder and quicker he moved the more proficient. However, as I found out as this continued (to his credit he could go 3x in a row thankfully) there was absolutely no creativity. However Mr. hot body was very physically agile. All in all it kept me entertained but wasn't the most scintillating of all possibilities.
And so we continued actually for six full dates, him trekking from L.I. and the end of the sleigh bed banging against the wall. Twice daily meals of grilled chicken, along with mini-golf, apple picking and some other kinda relationshippy things. However, here's some of the odd stuff. A few times he wouldn't remove his shirt because he was cold. Come on you have enough muscle to keep you warm buddy? Another time we were at a restaurant and he wanted something steamed in addition to his chicken, which by the way Mr. healthnut drank with diet coke- soda not too healthy, and he actually asked the restaurant if they make their own rice? Like do you have a rice paddy with underpaid workers outside the door? Too odd. However, as odd as he was, at least he was nice to look at, very consistent with the communication and always willing to come to me.
After about a month and a half I departed for a vacation I had scheduled for a while. I didn't hear from him, which seemed odd and then called him and he told me he hadn't wanted to bother me since he knew I was visiting friends. After that conversation he called regularly, even calling to make sure I made it home ok. When it came time to get together the following weekend he had a cold so he said he would come during the week. We spoke daily and then one day he vanished shortly after I returned home from vaca. There were really no signs, no hints, it just happened- still unsure why. I wasn't really that upset. Long-term I couldn't deal with the grilled chicken, shirt on, jackhammer for that long.
Ever since then it's been back to the one date wonder rule. After one date, they wonder why there's never a second in the cards- more to follow on that.
Sweet and Saucy dreams all!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Almost 18 holes? Raw Chicken, and Hooked on Phonics

Good Evening All,

Sorry for my absence but not to worry good stories are promised to follow. SO labor day weekend after a short correspondence with Prosecutor, we made plans to meet a few towns from where I live. He resides half in DC and half in NYC, and on the phone sounded pretty good. We had a lively banter, and he had a full head of hair in the pics, so I thought it could be promising. That weekend proved to be a monumental dating weekend but I'll get to that later. Let's just say by the eve of our Sat Sunday night date I wasn't as gung ho as original, but I figured I would make the best of it.

We met at the mini golf course, and though he said he would keep score, he talked way too much and as most men can't, he too could not multi task. I kept trying to remind him, the competitive player I am about keeping the score but he assured me he had it under control. Though it had absolutely no relevance to the conversation he mentioned he had just purchased a new car. "What kind of car?" I politely inquired. "A Mercedes, obviously!" Well I didn't get that special Mercedes memo cause I guess I am not on the elite fabulous list he is. His golf skills weren't really even up to par considering he played where else but at his fathers country club. Actually he was the only member of his family who was not a doctor, and maybe that's why he talked so much? Must have had a complex about being one degree off from the other folks.

Meanwhile back at the golf course, as we neared the end he started getting irate. This gold course is a tip off (@ $6.50 a pop mind you) he exclaimed. They don;'t have eighteen holes at all. Actually they do I tried to console him. You just are talking so much you skipped a bunch of holes on the score sheet. Well this just didn't satisfy him. Nope- he insisted on asking the teenage girl manning the mini gold register if there were in fact 18 holes. OK obviously the ten + year old course would have been notified earlier then our gold game if something was amiss. The girl looked at him like he was crazy when he said we had to repeat holes 7 & 8 because they were misplaced. I think his sanity was the only thing misplaced but nevertheless I beat him.

We decided to take a little walk around the area afterwards and he kept drilling into me about why I don't get along with my mother, and offering his psychoanalysis. OK first of all NONE of your business and second of all, you are again the only one without a medical degree in your home, do NOT attempt to get into my head, because if you did buddy you would hear me saying how long till this shit is over.

Though I hadn't been in a while, I figured we should eat outdoors since the weather was nice at this place I'd been to several times before with success. I was starving at this point. Now I must admit to his credit prosecutor did tell a mighty funny story during dinner about how he earned the nick name Atty. Cock Torture after prosecuting his first case against a racy Asian Madam who claimed she was running an S & M club and not a whore house, as she pleaded her case in a one piece (including the boots) zip up black vinyl get up she wore to court.

Before the dinner was served prosecutor sent back first his iced tea, and then a soda. Now this didn't bother me because after each time the waitress said oh we've been having problems with those tonight. Well why not mention that when he ordered them? I had ordered chicken francese since there was nothing decent on the changed menu. Pretty simple...chicken in a lemon white wine sauce. Or so I thought. The waitress brings out my meal, and the chicken is smothered in cheese and cream sauce. Disgusting. I send it back, and reiterate just a simple chicken with white wine and lemon juice.

Fast forward a half hour, and a pretty good imitation of the Asian Madam. The waitress brings over something that looks pretty much like what I had in mind. Bites one and two go OK. Bite number three does not. The chicken yes my friends is RAW. I mean pink and purple holy shit I just bit into a breast implant raw. Under careful scrutinizing with the light from my cell phone, prosector and then waitress confirmed it. That was it! I had had enough and wanted to get the hell out of there. So Mr. snotty country club Mercedes got away without spending a dime on the raw dinner, and I went home and made myself a new dinner. Thank God I didn't get salmonella, as I was pretty worried. Clearly prosecutor took the DO NOT call vibe.


Some of you may recall that very early on in blog life I posted a pic of a white couch, and spoke about a guy I had met @ a Starbucks whose mom had helped him decorate. While nice, I didn't think we were..OK I KNEW we were not at the same place. We never went out again, and that had to be maybe March?

So imagine my surprise when Friday I received the following email....

"This is couch guy, we met at a Starbucks coffee shop back in winter . Of course, you wanted to pursue other people after we met.

I know, you're probably wondering why I am emailing you. Believe it or not, I told you at the time I wasn't into reading and I remember you do a lot of reading, however, this was in reference to books, not magazines/publications or the internet. I assumed that was the reason for your decision for not pursuing anything further.

For a while now, I have been reading a lot of fantasy/medieval related books, with Forgotten Realms being my favorite. Have you heard of that series?

Today, out of nowhere, I said to myself, who was that person I met who likes to read and I remembered your name.I wanted to touch base with you and see how you are doing. Have you met someone

? Hope to hear from you soon....."

I know some people may not find this that funny but it kinda is. Like hello you must not have liked me cause I didn't read and now I read about wizards so maybe we can date? Ummm I don't think so but I am glad he developed a love for reading!

Ahh the wackos I find, and that find me. Can't live with em, can't blog without them!

Sweet Dreams all!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

The Past, The Present, Asian Woman, and the lack of future

Good Afternoon All,
Apologies for the brief break from writing. So where to begin. Since the Elevator doors remained closed there's been a few odd additional things. Let's start with the past. You all remember the surgeon who I went out with maybe a couple of months ago who decided to get back together with his ex right? Well I received the following email (s) from home this week entitled "I'm sorry about this..."

"Hey... I apologize for contacting you..... Could you please email me at (I deleted all your stuff already)? My girlfriend from Atlanta (remember the Asian one I spoke about) specifically asked me if I dated you...she does not even know you but she named your profile name. I think she may have a friend that can hack into the site (or has a friend that works there)....She asked me other information also that was impossible for her to know. I'm actually off this site for good but popped back on just to resolve this matter. If this is in fact the case, it's really awful and they should be stopped. Did she contact you? I'm confused. You can simply say you know nothing of the matter. Again, I apologize for contacting you... "

An hour later I received the next email entitled "hey"

"Don’t worry about what I just wrote to you. I got too nervous when she asked me about you. I promise you that I will not bother you anymore… "

I didn't write back obviously. Meanwhile the guy claims he hasn't been on the website but simply to resolve this matter, and when I just went in to copy and paste his message on here I saw he'd been active within the past four hours. I wish his girlfriend the best of luck.

In other news I went out with the IT guy again earlier this week. I think it was Monday. We met up and drove down to this town about 45 minutes from here and had dinner at this brewery. I was concerned because after researching the place online one of the reviews said that the only thing brewing after you eat there is the gas you'll have an hour later. Luckily we left unscathed and the food was actually pretty decent. I stayed safe with steak. Afterwards I suggested going for another drink and he took that to mean Starbucks. My passion tea was the most empassionaed part of the evening. At the end of some fine conversation, but nothing overly stimulating he asked if he could kiss me goodnight. Whatever, I might as well see if there was any chemistry I was missing elsewhere. It wasn't a bad kiss as in I didn't feel like I was kissing a relative, however when he stopped after a minute to throw his gum on the floor (which I didn't even notice was in his mouth) the moment (which wasn't that much of a moment) was lost. I couldn't stop laughing. We've chatted once since, but I'm not really interested.

So last night my Friday night partner and I ventured out to one of our usual haunts and almost immediately were chatted up by two guys, one bald, and one not. The not bald one who was a director at a marketing firm he referred to as the place where they call you up on Saturdays and try and get you to sign up for things seemed OK. He mentioned that he wanted to take me to dinner sometime, and I was open to the idea. A few minutes before the bars were slated to close, two woman walked in and my friend made a comment like half their outfits must have gotten lost at home. I honestly thought they were prostitutes until unbald said uh oh I hooked up with one of those girls a few times and never called her. He turned his back and looked uncomfortable. Now if he was trying to talk to me why would he tell me that? Lack of skills? Perhaps the same lack of reason (and skills) that caused him only a few moments later to show me a text she had sent him the previous day, which turned out to be a topless picture of rather large breasts for an Asian girl. "I think she may have gotten implants what do you think?" Well let's see since I (unlike him) hadn't seen them originally I didn't feel I could form an opinion.

Needless to say, I waited till he was talking to someone else and bolted out without a goodbye. At least I got a free drink, it wasn't a total loss. I think the quest for non frogs is hopeless!

Enjoy the weekend!