Quirks versus Jerks

Good Evening All,

Hope everyone had a marvelous weekend. So the other day I was perusing my favorite place- the online ads for attractive, educated men with a full head of hair and I came across the profile of one who seemed to fit the profile. Only problem was he was from GA. No harm in chatting though as we began to IM. GA man was an entrepreneur, and willing to relocate anywhere. We chatted away exchanging the requisite initial information and he told me I was quirky, but I assured him everyone was- or so I thought. After a few minutes GA man informed me that he had been sitting all day and was tired of typing. Just call me he wrote and sent me a phone number. Without even knowing his name I figured why not- always with my readers in mind. Perhaps this might make an interesting story I thought.

"So what exactly do you do?" I inquired after he told me early on in the conversation that if we got to like each other coming many states away would be no problem at all as he could come and go and was more than willing at a moments notice. Perhaps that was the first sign of problems.

"I set up websites and let them just make me money while I do nothing. I'm so sick of meeting girls who are focused on their work and always busy. I flew to NY recently to meet this woman and I had to actually wait for her to get out of work before we could hang out. Ridiculous I know. I can't be held down with some kind of 9-5 job. These woman their whole life is about work they wake up and think about it, put make-up on for it, go to it, bring it home. It's out of control" he lamented

"So what kind of websites are these?" I asked nervously already writing him off but thinking I should be polite

"Well If I tell you you might be weirded out <you think> I mean it's not like I practice every single thing I do. I promised myself I wouldn't tell anyone but you sound like an honest intelligent person ok fine I'll show you the site"

"Is this something my work computer is going to block"

"No, no nothing like that. I sell products and expert advice on a pure eating lifestyle. Are you into organic food?"

"I buy it sometimes but I wouldn't say it's all I eat" As I clicked on the website I came across all of this odd information on pure diets and raw food, and a whole page with pictures of many of my favorites (popcorn, chocolate, wine) saying click here if you're addicted to these foods. Luckily my work laptop blocked the sites as I am sure I didn't want to see what was beyond the little click here words.

"You see because my body's enzymes are balanced, I don't need to indulge in any of this negative food. I don't drink any alcohol, eat any junk good, eat any meat."

"But, what's left?" I inquired. "No alcohol? Not even wine" I was in shock. My wine bottles quivered from within the fridge nearby. I could feel their pain.

"Listen, if you give me a month, forget it three weeks I could make it so you don't ever even need wine, you're body will have the balanced nourishment it needs."

"I don't need it, I drink it to enhance the flavor of my food"

"Your body wouldn't even accept it anymore. It is crying out for the purity of raw and indigenous foods."

"I'm not giving up wine, but I'm not certain I follow what exactly you do eat"

"Like I said I don't follow every single thing on my site, I mean some people take it to an extreme You know those little bugs on the lettuce when you bring it home?"

"No!" and really I didn't have the faintest clue what he was talking about. I mean rarely is lettuce one of the many veggies I buy but if I do I haven't seen any little critters scampering a long it.

"Some suggest that eating these bugs maintains the inner organic nature of your systems"

"Hmmm, very interesting" I muttered now feeling very alarmed. In the background I could hear a lot of noise and inquired if he was outside

"Yes, of course I'm jumping on my trampoline. It balances the nodules in my head. I don't need to formally exercise or indulge in any toxins because jumping creates a mental peace and clarity. I told you I was quirky. At this point I knew a fabulous story to post was brewing so I continued probing.

"So these businesses of yours keep your financially stable enough never to have to work another job? Do you own a place?"

"Ok well that's a long story. I could have a place if I wanted to but right now because of an adverse turn of events I am living with family . My brother and I inherited a large sum of money when my grandfather passed away and we gave it to my father to invest and he lost it all, so since I am ready to go anywhere at any time I just don't see a point in getting a place, although obviously I could. Have you ever heard of mud huts? I've always wanted to live in one. Don't you? It's just this wonderful structure that's completely natural!"

"Ummm no I actually don't want to live in one. I'm not quite sure they'd fit in where I live

"So tell me about your job. Are you another one of those 9-5 woman"

"Well I actually love my job and enjoy working"

"Surely though when you have kids you won't work right? I mean my mother obviously stopped working when she had kids, and my aunt and you know female cousins they don't work. They make themselves available in case their husbands want to do something fun."

"I don't have any plans not to work. I think it teaches kids responsibility, and besides I have professional goals"

"You goal should be to get away from all that ridiculousness and be able to jump all day if you want or gather materials to build a hut. That's the life you know you want, you could have it to with me.

"As overly appealing as that sounds, I'm positive that's not something I have any interest in but I do wish you the best of luck" It was time to get back to reality, emails, cell phones, walls made of sheet rock. As I hung up the phone I pondered that never in my life was I more geographically comfortable. This quirky jerk drank no wine, ate no chocolate, and jumped around feeling good after eating bugs, complaining that woman worked.

Sometimes more and more, it feels damn good to be single.