Devil in and out of a Blue Dress

Warning: Imagery is racy

Good Evening All,
It's been both an uneventful and eventful weekend in terms of the frogs. Elevator man hasn't made an appearance in my inbox since Thursday evening. The fact he's not emailing on the weekend gives bonus points to the theory that he and the Mrs. are still happily or unhappily cohabiting. The last email as the priors asked a few questions therefore presumably looking for future communication. We'll have to wait and see if tomorrow brings about a new inquiry. One would think if we recap weekend plans the Mrs. would deserve a mention somewhere....

In speaking of frogs and the unassuming, evil, and otherwise princesses, I received an email this weekend from a previous frog, Frat Boy1. I figured I had better label in numerical fashion since there's more then one that could have the chance of resurfacing. Frat boy 1 and I went to college together and had reconnected on one of those controversial, but ever popular social networking sites that allow those of us who are interested to find out who got preggy before tying the knot, who seemed to be straight in high school, and now isn't, and who is divorced but hasn't taken their exes lovey dovey comments off of their page. You'd be surprised the latter category covers more then a few, and those are just the ones I know personally.

I digress...in any event Frat Boy 1 and I became "friends" on the site and traded a few of the perfunctory hey how have you been emails. I suppose I had been the last one to send one about two months ago, and had since forgotten about the communication. This weekend I was greeted by a message apologizing for being out of touch, as Frat Boy had been on a trip out West and been very busy deciding to sell the house he had. Now, a few months back I ran into Frat Boy unnumbered until he's worth adding to the story again, and he told me Frat Boy 1 and his wife were getting divorced. I assume the house sell is a part of the equation. Anyway frat boy 1 thought it would be nice to meet and catch up on things this week.

Catch up on things? Where do we even begin. It was late one night at the ghetto apartment Frat Boy 1, and his roommates shared and a party was in full swing. I clearly remember some altercation between a bunch of guys, and a Christmas tree. The tree didn't win. "special punch" consisting of a bunch of alcohols no one ever knew the identity of and something purple was being heartily consumed out of those red plastic cups. It was hard for me to feel and wild and carefree as my fellow Greek friends and enemies harboring a horrible toothache. I searched the masses for Frat Boy 1's other roommates, both who I was friendlier with then him. In the interest of full disclosure, his other roommate we'll call him Frat Boy 2 and I had hooked up for months. Frat Boy 2 had a serious girlfriend but we had a serious attraction. I also had a serious commitment phobia and preferred guys with girlfriends because I figured they wouldn't want to date me. It was college after all, and girls just want to have fun. Frat Boys 1 & 2 were best friends, as were their girlfriends. Frat Boy 1's girlfriend though was a screamer, not during sex (well actually I can't claim to know this, and for that I'm glad) but during parties, non parties, just during life.

This un-princess was crazy. They called her psycho un-princess (insert her real name if I could). Not sure if she knew I was hooking up with frat boy 1's gf (her friend) but she definitely did not care for me. Her boyfriend, Frat Boy 1 was the one I found desperate for some relief from the pain I was in. I accosted him in the hallway and told him I needed Advil. No problem he told me. I didn't know him that well but appreciated how sympathetic he was. I followed him up the stairs past a group of Greeks getting high, some passed out freshman, and some type of game I couldn't even begin to describe on here. Into the bathroom we went where he extracted from the medicine cabinet- Advil my savior. He offered some water in a small bathroom cup and as I swallowed the pills he gave me this look. It wasn't a look I was unfamiliar with, just a moment I was unfamiliar with getting the look during. Frat Boy 1 looked enraptured. Never had I known that swallowing Advil was so sexy. The second pill went down, and so did his tongue. Right down my neck, and then into my mouth. Pressed up against the bathroom door frat boy 1 and I were making out in a frenzy. My toothache was soon forgotten.

Before things got completely out of control, there was a knock at the door, the punch wasn't agreeing with someone and they needed to be in there more then we did. Without another word Frat Boy 1 descended the stairs and I lingered as far as I could from the pot smokers. After a few minutes I reapplied some lip gloss, straightened my hair and headed downstairs right into the line of site of Psycho un-princess. Luckily she hadn't caught wind of the bathroom fiasco and I escaped unscathed.

A few months later I was out for the night at a club with a few of my friends and enemies ***note in a sorority this roster changes by the hour. That night I was decked out in an electric blue dress. I remember everything about this dress with such a fondness except where it is right now. I wish I could find it again. A halter, mini dress it hugged every single curve with precision. That dress passed no guys head unturned. It was after a few lemondrops, some Malibu Sea Breezes, OK a few more lemon drops that I came across Frat Boy 1. "Do you want to take a walk and get some air he said?"
Sounded like a plan to me. I needed to clear my head and escape from the nasty men who thought the proper way to introduce themselves to me was to grind their crotch into me from behind hoping I couldn't figure out how to maneuver and see how unattractive they were. That my friends is precisely why I wear high heels. That same crotch creeping up behind me is never without a spike heel stuck in like a golf tee on the putting green- with precision and stuck in just far enough to be effective. Unlike most woman I've never had a shoe fetish, but I have to love the heels when I need a close by weapon to fend off unsightly frogs.

Outside the club Frat Boy 1 and I started walking towards the parking garage and he suggested we check out his car. Usually when guys want you to check out your car they're engine is warmed up before they even set in the car, and they are ready to show you their stick shift. Such I thought was the case with Frat boy 1 especially after the Advil/ bathroom passion incident. Now for those of you wondering Frat Boy 1 was definitely attractive, from what I can recall a good kisser, and certainly fun, so yes I decided perhaps I could check out his car. Somehow that car ended up a few blocks down the road in the parking lot of a closed down fast food joint. Definite step up from the apartment bathroom trust me. As we got out of the car and pressed back up against a tree started a rejoining of the lips. I felt the hands unzipping the blue dress. It never really came fully off, instead Frat Boy 1 said "I just want to stare at you. That's all I want you are just so freaking hot."

Well wasn't this easy for me! It turned out I was more like a model in a still life art class, then a helper in the kitchen. Frat Boy 1 soaked in the blue dress, and the rest of the picture until he soaked a nearby innocent tree. If only all encounters could be this easy? Perhaps frat boy 1 who was still dating psycho un-princess didn't want to cheat that badly. This was fine with me. There was only so much I was willing to do anyway. And so on we went into the night, a smile on his face, my dress zipped back up, his zipper back up, and a smooth reentry back into the club where I told my questioning sorority sisters I had no idea what happened to them. Surely I was looking for them for the past hour to no avail. The incident went off without a hitch, and without the knowledge of that bitch.

Frat Boy 1 and I ran into each other numerous times as the college experience continued and were always friendly, no not that kind of friendly. I had much more an ongoing thing with Frat Boy 2. As the years went by I heard that both frat boy's 1 and 2 had married their college sweethearts. Turns out Frat Boy 1 noticed his wasn't so sweet- hence the impending or perhaps finalized divorce I mentioned earlier. And so a new message from Frat boy 1 inquired whether I was free tomorrow evening for some sushi. In efforts not to disappoint my readers, without the blue dress of course, I intend to embark on a meeting with my old friend Frat boy 1 tomorrow.

As far as I know it's two old friends catching up. I always wondered if Frat Boy 1 remembers things as well as I do. Stay tuned for an update on whose zippers are staying up, and whose aren't....seriously I'm just going into this with no intention of anything happening. After all the days of purple people eater punch are far gone for me, and besides my cleaning woman hasn't cleaned my bathroom in a few weeks ;-)