FLASHBACK: My mother tried to set me up with a hedonist

Good Evening All,

In all my excitment of beginning this blog I realize luckily not too late that I had previously selected a website that wasn't exactly that user friendly. To amend this to my readers I've decided to share a flashback with all of you that I'm sure will amuse and horrify. Please don't forget to leave comments by clicking on the field right at the end of each post next to the time it was posted!

Sometime last year, see if you can follow- my mothers old best guy friends, bandmate had this son who was about 30 and had just returned from playing Baseball in Israel. I know- Israel has a baseball team? Trust me this sounded strange to me as well. In any event anyone who has ever encountered my mother, through a story or in person know that she's incredibly pushy and most often lacks any type of social tact whatsoever. Her and my father were inviting this baseball player who is also a professionally ranked eater (specializing in foods such as pizza, ice cream, and the ever so popular matza balls) to sign autographs at this cultural fair they were putting on. I told them I wasn't interested in any set up they had going on, and was actually seeing someone else at the time. However, they weren't privvy to this (after this story you'll realize why I don't tell them anything about my personal life).

I showed up at the fair to do my obligatory meeting and greeting. During the baseball players (who also was a lawyer and real estate broker) talk he was actually relatively funny and tall (with a full head of hair). My sister kept teasing that I should go talk to him but since this was again someone my mother was assciated with I didn't have an interest. Of course, as pushy as she is don't you know that she managed to introduce us, and even have me get a baseball autographed (I hear baseballs signed by Israeli players are going on EBAY for at least a 50 cent premium). Shortly after his formal talk we were chatting when a very nice developmentally delayed gentleman from the community came over. It turned out he knew baseball player from his hometown in NY, and asked him for a ride.

The baseball player had taken the train up and didn't have a car with him but his mother who had come along did. I thought it was nice that he offered this gentleman a ride, until he asked if I would mind riding along because he didn't know CT that well. In an attempt to do a good deed and get this developmentally delayed man home, I agreed to leave my car behind and ride five minutes down the road with him.

Before I continue let me introduce the fact that somewhere during the festival it was brought to my attention by my mothers friend that this guy had just broken up with his girlfriend that day. Now if my mother was trying to hook me up with him beginning a few weeks ago- does this really make sense? You'll find that not much involving my mother does. Read on.

Back to the car, we managed to get to this gentlemans home and then the Baseball player asked if I was going to go to dinner with our mothers, their friend, and some others. Being that I was now stranded in his car I said ok. In trying to be polite I mentioned that I was sorry to hear about him and his girlfriend. He began to tell me a little bit and at a point in conversation where it made sense I asked how they met.

"Oh actually she was the girl who my ex before her and I had a threesome with!"

Imagine my surprise and horror upon hearing this. I truly was at a loss for words which does NOT happen often. After mumbling something under my breath that may have sounded similar to "get me the hell out of here" He continued on -

"Are you bisexual?"

"umm HELL NO" I said to be met with "but why not, don't knock it until you try it. Have you ever heard of the concept of hedonism?

I've been in the car at this point with this guy about 5 minutes alone during which he's taken three calls from unidentified females (probabaly part of his lesbian posse). All I wanted was to get the hell out of there and get back to my car.

"You see I'm a pleasure seeker. I love woman, so the woman I love to be with need to also love to be with woman" he said.

"Well, I love men, do you love men?" I retorted

"No that's not pleasureable" he said while looking confused, obviously not picking up on the intended irony in my message to him. I guess that whole law degree wasn't working wonders for his analytical thinking.

"So are you saying you'd never be interested in a threesome?"

"Turn left here, quick!" As we got out of the car I played in my mind what was going to unfold when I had the delight later on on informing my father that my very mother tried to set me up with a bi-sexual thrill seeking, hedonistic male slut.

After trying so hard to avoid any further conversation with the wacko in front of both of our mothers I managed to choke down some onion soup when he said that he was tired. Great- so was I of this entire experience. I could envision my car like an oasis in the desert. If only I could get there- everything would be all right in the end. Baseball player mid meal decided that he was so tired he would go out to the car without so much as offering even a dime towards the bill (the oral surgeon would NOT_ approve!)

For a professional eater, he was tall but not too big. However at 6'3 you can imagine both mine and the rest of the dining parties surprise when upon leaving the restaurant we found baseball player folded in half literally in the trunk of his mothers station wagon, no doubt dreaming of a few chicks and some hedonistic fun.