One man's inappropriate is another girls inappropriate 2-go figure!

Good Evening All,

Thanks to all who have and are in the process of commenting on the posted stories. To all who haven't commented yet- DO IT! It's very helpful to get a feel for what people are most entertained by.

So to answer all your questions when I told my father about the hedonistic guy he was horrified. He didn't even want to hear about it and said I can't believe that guy was such a good speaker, "He's an inappropriate man, very inappropriate" I have to say I did agree with my father here, the whole need for the hedonists posse of girls to want to mate with not just him, but other girls was frankly inappropriate even to me!

For those of you who don't know my father inappropriate is his favorite word. My french maid Halloween costume was inappropriate. Everything I wore from basically age 12 on was inappropriate. Kissing my HS boyfriend on the stairwell was inappropriate, asking to go to the GYN when I was a teen (after reading in Teen magazine that girls should get a check up whether they were sexually active or not) was highly inappropriate, and sex was without a doubt considered "inappropriate unless you're 40 and trying to give us grandchildren". As you can see my father- not the biggest fan of the hedonist. My mother found it to be a funny story and told it to all of her cronies. I guess I followed suit!

Seriously the costume isn't that bad for Halloween? He took that and my Arabian princess/ belly dancer costume and threw them away. Ironically this they gave me $$ for my birthday to start taking belly dancing. Although I can't participate in recital this year, I've seen the costume and it makes the French Maid look pretty damn appropriate. The youngest girl in our class who must be in HS came in with her costume and her mother who was concerned her husband would divorce her if her daughter wore the costume. The pants are completely see through and have slits on both sides so they don't close in the front or back. It's basically like dangling saran wrap from your waist and cutting huge slits in it. Luckily for the woman's marriage the instructor kindly informed her that it's advisable to wear nude colored shorts or a skirt underneath. I guess my father wasn't the only one....

So I just got off the phone tonight with a new guy, lawyer. So far lawyer seems to be reasonably sane, nice, and hasn't asked me for any money yet so he's one up on oral surgeon. Other then asking if his sister was married and hearing she has a girlfriend of 5 years the convo was pretty status quo. Always awkward when you're ending these conversations with people you don't really know because what do you say? So it's been nice talking to you seems to work well. You have my number (maybe you'll use it) I guess we'll see. Perhaps there's a good story waiting to be hatched here. Also received an email from another new guy, almost MBA. He also so far seems to be relatively normal very nice. One might think after the whole oral surgeon fiasco this week I'd be hiding here in the burbs swearing off guys. How can I disappoint my readers though. Must continue on the quest for someone who pays and doesn't try to take it back! When I was talking to my Grandma earlier she was commenting on how nutso the oral surgeon was and she said that she just wished I had a nice boyfriend. I told her hey it's not for lack of trying here, she said I know every night I ask God for a miracle. When the idea of me meeting a nice guy turns into a miracle one has to put in a good word with God for, I really start to wonder....

So until we get either lawyer or almost MBA to almost pay for one of my next meals I've decided to entertain with some past exploits. Prior to the oral surgeon I met another guy, accountant a few months ago. We agreed to meet in Starbucks (he even paid for my tea and didn't try to get it back). On the phone I thought he was a little dull, but he seemed nice enough so I figured let's give him a chance. He was the exact same age, and seemed to have good values. Although we were the same age, I felt like we were in totally different places. Let's explore this deeper.....

He collects comic books, I collect long books with no pictures and lots of words. Ok maybe be not too much of a deal. Let's move on. One thing that makes dating particularly difficult is owning your own home. Guys find it intimidating, they don't understand it, they are intimidated so they don't want to understand it, they get defensive, or in a twist I've never seen they try to relate to it.

Accountant told me that he understood everything I go through in owning my home because he has a 2 room apartment and he's really stressing because he needs an end table. Not to worry his mom found him the perfect couches, and even told him where to put them. It didn't stop there, she showed him how to turn on his lamp, and helped pick it out. Luckily if this wasn't palace enough he has a floor length mirror. These details were repeated over and over again. Now at the risk of sounding snotty (is this risky when you do it often) been there done that. I've moved on to chaise lounges, french doors, and sconces long ago. Yes, I know it's not the size that matters (let's be honest it kinda does but that's another days topic) but it's the hand holding. While my father doesn't think furniture is inappropriate I didn't ask him to take me out and help me pick out and place every piece where it goes. Now even if I did, I wouldn't talk about it SO much. Granted accountants mom was some high end furniture retailer, and perhaps you had to be there but the way he said it in his tinny voice, "so yea I have my couch and it's a brown couch, a really nice couch, a couch you can sit on, and one that is exactly in the place in the room where a couch should be" over and over. Enough already. We all have a place to sit (except for my friend who finds Hawaii to expensive to live in and has invested in a kitchen table but no chairs- from the floor you can't really reach the table).

I found it classic when I was ranting the woe is me homeowner speech about how I had to pay $1100 recently to replace a water tank I didn't even know I had, and he said you know most people just aren't on the same level as us, just don't have the same responsibility we do. I pay my own heating bill. WOW! I wonder if when oral surgeon pays his heating bill if it's a sunny day and he doesn't need heat, he asks for the money back?

OK back to accountant- he had been studying hard for some his CPA exam and had told me several times on the phone that he wasn't in tune with what was going on in the world, and was afraid he wasn't in tune with a lot of popular culture. No problem- did two thesis back in the day so I get that whole busy thing. You wouldn't have known it though when he began his agenda. Accountant barely let me complain about my water heater, or even say nice to meet you because he had a list of topics he was getting through and nothing was getting in the way. This included but wasn't limited to: the presidential election, NCAA tournament, the way his mother decorates (wait did I already mention that?) the Ozone layer, World peace, religion, the death penalty, abortion, how his mother makes chicken soup, and the history of him drinking coffee. I swear I'm leaving some stuff out here. This dude stuck to his agenda like an SAT proctor. No room for deviation or free form conversation. I was surprised he didn't hand me a number two pencil at the end and quiz me!

Accountant's final strike came the 80th time he was describing how nice his place was and his wonderful couch which was not really brown and not so much gray, and had a undertone of green, yet more of a blueish hue. See the benefit to this couch and having his own place (after having lived at home with guess who until just about 2 years ago) was it was awkward to bring a girl home to Mom's house. He just loved having a place of his own. Who doesn't. I found in a little off color the first time he mentioned that dorming was difficult because if you were seeing someone how could you bring them back to your room? Now I never dormed but I definitely made it back to a room or two (for chatting of course) and never once did the fact someone else was in the room pose any sort of concern. However, not the topic you bring up on the first date. Then when he brought it up again in terms of struggling with living at home and how it's hard when dating someone it started getting even odder. Who seeks out sympathy on a first date because while they were 26 and living at home it was uncomfortable for them to bring a girl back to their parents house?

OK Ok so I know it's not as funny as the whole this is a hold up give me $30 NOW thing, but give me a chance....there's plenty more where this came from. Must rest up now for tomorrow is another day with perhaps another maniac waiting to be referenced here for your reading pleasure!